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The woman expresses her opinion of what the president was quoted to have said to the reporter. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v.1

The woman expresses her opinion of what the president was quoted to have said to the reporter. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1
Museums store the traditions and history of our ancestors. As a lot of information regarding this is already available online, some people believe that museums should not exist anymore. However, I entirely disagree with this notion because museums allow one to watch in person the belongings of famous people from the past and enable us to learn more about their lives. To begin with, museums open the doors to the past because they contain in them the essential and special things of our ancestors. By visiting one, one can actually see the things used by them and store them in their mind. The items seen in person have a huge impact on one than the ones seen in the images. Therefore, they can motivate one to learn more about their ancestors. For instance, National Museum of Lahore has in it the belongings of Mughal Emperors. So, one can vividly imagine how our elders spent their lives, what were their interests and much more. Although the online media has all the information about the past and our culture, one can only see the images without touching them actually. When one touches them, it gives special feelings regarding their users and makes one emotional which is highly unlikely by just viewing the images, and it creates a special and a stronger bond of one with their elders who are not physically with them anymore. Moreover, as there is a plenty of information available on the internet, one struggles with identifying the real information because false information is also there. Hence, visiting the museum can never be replaced by just reading about it online. To conclude, even though the internet is an easily available and free way of getting information about one's past and culture, it cannot replace the sentiments attached to visiting the museums in person and it cannot allow one to psychically handle things.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
store the traditions and history of our ancestors. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
regarding this is already available online,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should not exist anymore.
However
, I
entirely
disagree with this notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
one to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
in person the belongings of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
and enable us to learn more about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
open the doors to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they contain in them the essential and special things of our ancestors. By visiting one, one can actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by them and store them in their mind. The items
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in person have a huge impact on
Use "oner" to make a comparison with this adjective.
one
than the ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the images.
Therefore
, they can motivate one to learn more about their ancestors.
For instance
, National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
of Lahore has in it the belongings of Mughal Emperors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, one can
vividly
imagine how our elders spent their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, what were their interests and much more.

Although the online media has all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
and our culture, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the images without touching them actually. When one touches them, it gives special feelings regarding their users and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
one emotional which is
highly
unlikely by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
viewing the images, and it creates a special and a stronger bond of one with their elders who are not
physically
with them anymore.
Moreover
, as there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
available on the internet, one struggles with identifying the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
false
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
also
there.
Hence
, visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
can never
be replaced
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
reading about it online.

To conclude
,
even though
the internet is an
easily
available and free way of getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
and culture, it cannot replace the sentiments attached to visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in person and it cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
one to
psychically
handle things.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The woman expresses her opinion of what the president was quoted to have said to the reporter. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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