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The school is building a new gym in order to attract more people to school, including topnotch students and the local residents. The woman expresses her opinion about the announcement. State her opinion and explain the reasons that she gives for holding th v.1

The school is building a new gym in order to attract more people to school, including topnotch students and the local residents. The woman expresses her opinion about the announcement. State her opinion and explain the reasons that she gives for holding th v. 1
It is considered that the society would be safer if the capital punishment would be available. This belief exists because some people think that crimes are caused due to lack of punishment such as the death penalty. However, I am against with this statement, for the reason that I strongly support the idea of what the violation of right humans, only can bring more violence. In cultures from the Middle East, there are stronger penalties for people that break the law. Although this has meant a decrease of crimes, does not translate in more secure, especially for women which in those countries are considered as a human of second class. Also, the rate of violence in these states is very high, hence this is not the solution for a safer world. On the other hand, I disagree with the death penalty, for example, because the law has committed mistake as well. In the jail are several cases of individuals that are in that place for negligence. For this, I think that all persons deserve a second opportunity for their lives. Besides, in the case that a thief would have to die, who should be the person to shoot the gun? There are many questions, nevertheless the only clear thing is this measure is a violation of right humans. To conclude, there is the idea that the secure could enhance with stronger punishments, because this could scare the thief to doing bad actions. Yet this has worked in some nations, the truth is this does not mean a decrease of violence. Also this action is against to right humans, hence does not translate into making a better society.
It
is considered
that the society would be safer if the capital punishment would be available. This belief exists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that crimes
are caused
due to lack of punishment such as the death penalty.
However
, I am against with this statement, for the reason that I
strongly
support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of what the violation of right humans,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can bring more violence.

In cultures from the Middle East, there are stronger penalties for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that break the law. Although this has meant a decrease of crimes, does not translate in more secure,
especially
for women which in those countries
are considered
as a human of second
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
Also
, the rate of violence in these states is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high,
hence
this is not the solution for a safer world.

On the other hand
, I disagree with the death penalty,
for example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the law has committed mistake
as well
. In the jail are several cases of individuals that are in that place for negligence. For this, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that all persons deserve a second opportunity for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Besides
, in the case that a thief would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
, who should be the person to shoot the gun? There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
questions,
nevertheless
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
thing is this measure is a violation of right humans.

To conclude
, there is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the secure could enhance with stronger punishments,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this could scare the thief to doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
actions.
Yet
this has worked in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, the truth is this does not mean a decrease of violence.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
this action is against to right humans,
hence
does not translate into making a better society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The school is building a new gym in order to attract more people to school, including topnotch students and the local residents. The woman expresses her opinion about the announcement. State her opinion and explain the reasons that she gives for holding th v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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