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People who develop many different skills are more successful than people who focus on one skill only. v.1

People who develop many different skills are more successful than people who focus on one skill only. v. 1
The world’s population has been increasing rapidly over the years. Some people believe that at present population growth is the largest problem faced by humanity. In this essay, we will discuss both sides of the argument and provide evidence as to why this is the greatest issue faced by us today. Population growth has contributed to the spread of diseases in densely populated areas. Air borne diseases, travel faster and affect a massive number of people all throughout the region. Third world countries such as Africa lacks the resources to provide treatment to all the affected victims thereby reducing the average life expectancy. If the government implemented policies to tackle the ongoing issue, then there would be an abundance of healthier individuals in those countries. However, this phenomenon also provides us with certain positive aspects. Advancement in technology is also associated with population increase. Since the industrial revolution, human society has shifted from craft production to machines. Humans have advanced in the medical field with regards to life saving technology. Therefore, life expectancy may be increased by providing a stable food and medical treatments. For instance, mass production of medicines to combat rapidly spreading viruses can reduce the loss of life and maintain human health. In conclusion, although technological outbreaks have presented a positive outlook onto the on-going problem of population growth. The lack of resources to sustain and maintain human life still remains an issue in various parts of the world. If left unchecked, I agree that the rapidly growing human population will be the largest problem facing humanity.
The world’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
has been increasing
rapidly
over the years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that at present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
growth is the largest problem faced by humanity. In this essay, we will discuss both sides of the argument and provide evidence as to why this is the greatest issue faced by us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

Population growth has contributed to the spread of diseases in
densely
populated areas. Air borne diseases, travel faster and affect a massive number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
all throughout the region. Third world countries such as Africa lacks the resources to provide treatment to all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
victims thereby reducing the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
implemented policies to tackle the ongoing issue, then there would be an abundance of healthier individuals in those countries.
However
, this phenomenon
also
provides us with certain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects.

Advancement in technology is
also
associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
increase. Since the industrial revolution,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
society has shifted from craft production to machines.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Humans
have advanced in the medical field
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
saving technology.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy may
be increased
by providing a stable food and medical treatments.
For instance
, mass production of medicines to combat
rapidly
spreading viruses can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
health.

In conclusion
, although technological outbreaks have presented a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outlook onto the
Did you mean "ongoing"?
on-going
problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
growth. The lack of resources to sustain and maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
still
remains an issue in various parts of the world. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
unchecked, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
rapidly
growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
will be the largest problem facing humanity.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People who develop many different skills are more successful than people who focus on one skill only. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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