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The woman expresses her opinion about the university' s plan. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v.1

The woman expresses her opinion about the university' s plan. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1
Nowadays, human is living in a constantly evolving world and social media becomes more common in the daily life of everyone. It has affected us in various ways, and in my opinion, there are both benefits and drawbacks effects. There are many advantages of using social media, first of all, it gives us instant access to news on almost any areas that we followed. Thanks to the Internet, people can easily update lots of information to social media so that everyone could approach news as fast as possible. Moreover, social media is more likely starting to replace other forms of entertainment as it is more beneficial. Not only that, internet, social media connects people around the world and people can keep in touch with their friends, families even if they are anywhere in the world as long as they have access to the Internet. On the other hand, misusing of social media could bring lots of drawbacks to the users. As many pages contain offensive content like violent or sexual images and it has a huge effect on people, especially young people. Also, the crime rate increasing rapidly, for example, they can use the Internet to steal people’s money. In addition, parents find it difficult to control what their children see online because they do not always know who their children are chatting to. The abuse of social media also has the result of isolating people and discouraging real interaction as many teenagers choose to make friends online instead of mixing with their peers in the real world. In conclusion, social media has certainly revolutionised communication between people, but not all of the outcomes of this revolution have been positive.
Nowadays, human is living in a
constantly
evolving world and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
becomes more common in the daily life of everyone. It has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
us in various ways, and in my opinion, there are both benefits and drawbacks effects.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, it gives us instant access to news on almost any areas that we followed. Thanks to the Internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
update lots of information to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that everyone could approach news as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
as possible.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is more likely starting to replace other forms of entertainment as it is more beneficial. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that, internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
connects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their friends, families even if they are anywhere in the world as long as they have access to the Internet.

On the other hand
, misusing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
could bring lots of drawbacks to the users. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pages contain offensive content like violent or sexual images and it has a huge effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Also
, the crime rate increasing
rapidly
,
for example
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet to steal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
money.
In addition
, parents find it difficult to control what their children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not always know who their children are chatting to. The abuse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
also
has the result of isolating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and discouraging real interaction as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends online
instead
of mixing with their peers in the real world.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has
certainly
Possible spelling mistake. 'revolutionised' is British English.
revolutionised
communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
Consider using "all the".
all of the
outcomes of this revolution have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The woman expresses her opinion about the university' s plan. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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