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The woman expresses her opinion of the university's new policy. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v.1

The woman expresses her opinion of the university's new policy. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1
These days, many music types are played and heard all around the globe. Music is necessary to transmit culture to future generations and to relax after a hard day. Traditional and international tunes are both important, not only to keep historical roots alive, but also to learn about the cultures of other countries. Music is essential to relax, it helps us disconnect from the stress and obligations of everyday activities. Driving back home from work, for instance, can be much more relaxing if you are listening to your favourite radio station. It can help, consequently, to chill out and forget about the office problems and get home in a better mood to have a high quality family time. Another reason why we need is to increase motivation to exercise. Gym teachers use different rhythms to teach a variety of exercises and movements, like in Zumba classes, for example. At present, traditional music is important for every country as it transmits culture. In Argentina, in like manner, the most traditional music is Folklore, and through it, historical events, values and cultural roots are explained. International music, furthermore, is heard everywhere and is key to understand other cultures and have more options when choosing what to hear in different moments and moods of the day. Rock and roll, indie, twist, salsa, merengue and classical are some of the choices we have. In conclusion, music is needed, in my opinion, on a daily basis, mainly to relax and work out. Countries` traditional music and international rhythms are equally important, not only to share our roots with next generations, but also to get to know the other countries` culture and newest tunes. Nowadays, this sharing of music has become possible due to online radios and apps such as Spotify.
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
types
are played
and heard all around the globe.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is necessary to transmit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
to future generations and to relax after a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
day.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traditional
and international tunes are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
historical roots alive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to learn about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
of other countries.

Music is essential to relax, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us disconnect from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and obligations of everyday activities. Driving back home from work,
for instance
, can be much more relaxing if you are listening to your
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
radio station. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
,
consequently
, to chill out and forget about the office problems and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
home in a better mood to have a high quality family time. Another reason why we need is to increase motivation to exercise. Gym teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
rhythms to teach a variety of exercises and movements, like in Zumba classes,
for example
.

At present,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for every country as it transmits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. In Argentina, in like manner, the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is Folklore, and through it, historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, values and cultural roots are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
. International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
furthermore
,
is heard
everywhere and is key to understand other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and have more options when choosing what to hear in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
moments and moods of the day. Rock and roll, indie, twist, salsa,
Possible spelling mistake found.
merengue
and classical are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
choices we have.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is needed
, in my opinion, on a daily basis,
mainly
to relax and work out. Countries`
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and international rhythms are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to share our roots with
next
generations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know the other countries`
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and newest tunes. Nowadays, this sharing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has become possible due to online radios and apps such as Spotify.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay The woman expresses her opinion of the university's new policy. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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