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Q3. 18 Starting next term, our school will begin a new tutoring system. The woman expresses her opinion about the announcement. State her opinion and explain the reasons that she gives for holding that opinion. v.1

Q3. 18 Starting next term, our school will begin a new tutoring system. The woman expresses her opinion about the announcement. State her opinion and explain the reasons that she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1
Governmental finance as a form of support for artists has evolved has a major topic of concern in modern society. While some believe there are real benefits of this policy, I would contend that that this is a waste of financial resources. There is a common belief that artists should be provided with financial support by the state. People may argue that some artists receive less money compared with they devote to society. For example, Nguyen Van Ty, a nationally-famous musician in Vietnam, lived a deprived life and died in poverty. Another significant reason for this belief is that once governmental budget on supporting artists is allowed, thousands of young artists would be stimulated to contribute more to the development of art. A clear example of this is that the 2005 governmental allowance for young photographers in Singapore acted as a precursor to an era that Singaporean photography took a giant leap to become a leading industry in the whole country’s entertainment industry. However, I am convinced that this type of governmental spending is worthless. The primary reason is that in today’s economy, artists can take care of themselves financially without the help of the government. With the aid of the Internet and digital technology, artists can now reach millions of people by publishing their artwork online. With this larger target audience, artists may easily find buyers of their artwork and therefore do not need financial assistance. Another significant reason why this is a waste of money is that there are better ways for the government to spend their budget for art. Investment in art education, for example, not only raises the public awareness of art but also makes people treasure art more. The result of this practice is that the public would willingly pay more for artwork, which is a more sustainable way to promote art, making providing artists with financial assistance a less cost effective and thus a money-wasting policy. To conclude, although the idea of giving artists financial assistance is worthwhile to some, I firmly believe that there are far more compelling reasons why this policy is a waste of money in today’s society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governmental
finance as a form of support for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
has evolved has a major topic of concern in modern society. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe there are real benefits of this policy, I would contend
Possible typo: you repeated a word
that that
this is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
resources.

There is a common belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
should
be provided
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support by the state.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
may argue that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
receive less money compared with they devote to society.
For example
, Nguyen Van Ty, a
nationally
-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
musician in Vietnam,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
a deprived life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
in poverty. Another significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for this belief is that once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governmental
budget on supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
, thousands of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
would
be stimulated
to contribute more to the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example of this is that the 2005
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governmental
allowance for young photographers in Singapore acted as a precursor to an era that Singaporean photography took a giant leap to become a leading industry in the whole country’s entertainment industry.

However
, I
am convinced
that this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governmental
spending is worthless. The primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s economy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can take care of themselves
financially
without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. With the aid of the Internet and digital technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
reach millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by publishing their artwork online. With this larger target audience,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
may
easily
find buyers of their artwork and
therefore
do not need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
assistance. Another significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why this is a waste of money is that there are better ways for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to spend their budget for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. Investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
education,
for example
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
raises the public awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
treasure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
more. The result of this practice is that the public would
willingly
pay more for artwork, which is a more sustainable way to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, making providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
assistance a less cost effective and
thus
a money-wasting policy.

To conclude
, although the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
assistance is worthwhile to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, I
firmly
believe that there are far more compelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why this policy is a waste of money in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Q3. 18 Starting next term, our school will begin a new tutoring system. The woman expresses her opinion about the announcement. State her opinion and explain the reasons that she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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