Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently. v.158

Parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently. v. 158
In the current modern world, among many health issues, diabetes and obesity are considered to be really deadly. As these problems are linked to several serious medical conditions, some people advocate that products like soft drinks and sugary snacks should be banned from schools. These people believe that removing these products from schools could reduce their consumption in later stages of life. While early abolishment of these products from a young age, teaching children about healthier substitutes and the effects of high sugar-based diet can reduce the percentage of people having these health problems. I strongly agree to this proposal. Children usually eat food or snacks that taste good. They do not have the maturity to judge healthy or unhealthy food. In my opinion, if from a young age sugary snacks and drinks are not accessible to them, they develop to grow without the need of consuming them. Children like to copy other children, so if one child is eating candies or drinking Pepsi, others would want to. If nobody has access to these items, then other's feel the urge to consume them. Also, not able to drink or eat such items at school makes less likely to ask at home. Furthermore, just banning these commodities is not sufficient. Schools should teach the negative effects of high sugar-based diet on our health. High sugar intake can cause elevated heart rate, an increase of aggressive behaviour in students. Schools can provide alternatives to soft drinks, instead of Coca Cola, which is a soft drink, fresh orange juice can be provided. Sugary snacks could be replaced by fruits. This can teach the younger generation at school, what they can substitute in their diets later in life. If children are healthy with their diet, they can achieve their goals, concentrate on what they like. It appears that based upon the above references if starting from school children are restricted to consume high sugar-based foods and drinks, bad health problems like diabetes and obesity could be reduced. Children can live a healthy life and role modal others to do the same later in adulthood.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
modern world, among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues, diabetes and obesity
are considered
to be
really
deadly. As these problems
are linked
to several serious medical conditions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocate that products like soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
and sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
should
be banned
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that removing these products from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their consumption in later stages of life. While early abolishment of these products from a young age, teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about healthier substitutes and the effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
sugar-based diet can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this proposal.

Children
usually
eat food or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
that taste
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. They do not have the maturity to judge healthy or unhealthy food. In my opinion, if from a young age sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
are not accessible to them, they develop to grow without the need of consuming them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
like to copy other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if one child is eating candies or drinking Pepsi, others would want to. If nobody has access to these items, then other's feel the urge to consume them.
Also
, not able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
or eat such items at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
less likely to ask at home.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
banning these commodities is not sufficient.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
should teach the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
sugar-based diet on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
High
sugar intake can cause elevated heart rate, an increase of aggressive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in students.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
can provide alternatives to soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
,
instead
of Coca Cola, which is a soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
, fresh orange juice can
be provided
. Sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
could
be replaced
by fruits. This can teach the younger generation at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, what they can substitute in their diets later in life. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are healthy with their diet, they can achieve their goals, concentrate on what they like.

It appears that based upon the above references if starting from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are restricted
to consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
sugar-based foods and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems like diabetes and obesity could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy life and role modal others to do the same later in adulthood.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently. v. 158

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts