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The female student expresses her opinion about why she disagrees with the university’s new policy. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v.1

The female student expresses her opinion about why she disagrees with the university’s new policy. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1
In recent times, more people have access to work in any location due to the advancement in technology and improvement in travelling experiences. There are more benefits than drawbacks to this approach. Both will be discussed in this essay. Having the privilege of working in various places comes with the limitations of staying away from loved ones and feeling lonely at times. The employees live far from their family when they work abroad. This results in them missing important family functions or celebrations of their closed ones. For instance, a father who is employed in a foreign land, might miss his child's birthday party. Besides that, the virtual communication could not compensate with the feeling of actually being with family members. Because, no amount of text messages or video calls would be helpful in eradicating loneliness, which might lead to depression. In short, the individuals might miss attending significant family occasions and feel left out without anyone by their side. In contrast, the positive aspects of this development are travelling the world and earning more. Firstly, when an employee is given a chance to work in onshore, they can commute to new cities, which provides them an opportunity to relish their experiences and learn several cultures. Asians could seek different traditions of western countries by living there, could be considered as an example. Secondly, the individuals can acquire financial stability because when a professional is required in a foreign land that means, there could be a shortage of employees in that particular field. Therefore, they get paid more due to high demand. China government is hiring more doctors for a higher wage is an illustration to represent about making huge income. In conclusion, although people might miss their dear ones and feel lonely, they could commute to other countries understand cultures, and increase their income. I believe that the advantages certainly outweigh the disadvantages.
In recent times, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have access to work in any location due to the advancement in technology and improvement in travelling experiences. There are more benefits than drawbacks to this approach. Both will
be discussed
in this essay.

Having the privilege of working in various places
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with the limitations of staying away from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones and feeling lonely at times. The employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
when they work abroad. This results in them missing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
functions or celebrations of their closed ones.
For instance
, a father who
is employed
in a foreign land,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
miss his child's birthday party.
Besides
that, the virtual communication could not compensate with the feeling of actually being with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, no amount of text messages or video calls would be helpful in eradicating loneliness, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
lead to depression. In short, the individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
miss attending significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
occasions and feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
out without anyone by their side.

In contrast
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of this development are travelling the world and earning more.
Firstly
, when an employee is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to work in onshore, they can commute to new cities, which provides them an opportunity to relish their experiences and learn several cultures. Asians could seek
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
traditions of western countries by living there, could
be considered
as an example.
Secondly
, the individuals can acquire financial stability
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when a professional
is required
in a foreign land that means, there could be a shortage of employees in that particular field.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid more due to high demand. China
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is hiring more doctors for a higher wage is an illustration to represent about making huge income.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
miss their dear ones and feel lonely, they could commute to other countries understand cultures, and increase their income. I believe that the advantages
certainly
outweigh the disadvantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The female student expresses her opinion about why she disagrees with the university’s new policy. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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