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Government should spend money on railway rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Government should spend money on railway rather than roads. v. 2
Globally, the majority of cities and towns have homeless people. Many hold the opinion that the key to getting them off the streets is by financially supporting them. I firmly disagree with this view. For the remainder of this essay i will firstly, explain why this is not effective and secondly, explore alternative methods. To begin with, although providing homeless individuals with money will help them for a couple of days, without enlightening them about what do to do with it and how to spend it efficiently is useless, this is because they well spend it all and remain homeless. In addition to this, a large proportion of these people are drug addicts. Therefore, giving them cash curbs the way for them to feed their addiction. Consequently, the issue of their lack of homes remains unsolved. For example, charity organizations like Give Them Homes, released a report in 2012 stating that, 80% of the homeless that they sponsored with a large cheque of 100, 000 dollars became homeless again after visiting them a year later. Overall, teaching them the skills they need to survive through jobs will help tackle this dilemma. However, through accounting these finances into job teaching institutions, they can learn how to survive and be equipped with the experience they need to hold a job. If they were to attain employment, they can not only make money to feed themselves, but have enough to rent or purchase a living space. For instance, The Plumbing Scheme was introduced in Bristol in 2011, which facilitated the education of 56 homeless people about the art of plumbing, today they run a profitable plumbing company ahd have managed to stay of the road and live comfortably. Undoubtedly, this is a much better approach. In conclusion, tackling the burden of homelessness is essential in maintaining a healthy society. While monetary financing is not the best method to fix this issue, there are other ways.
Globally, the majority of cities and towns have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
hold the opinion that the key to getting them off the streets is by
financially
supporting them. I
firmly
disagree with this view. For the remainder of this essay
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
will
firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why this is not effective and
secondly
, explore alternative methods.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, although providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
individuals with money will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them for a couple of days, without enlightening them about what do to do with it and how to spend it
efficiently
is useless, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they well spend it all and remain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
.
In addition
to this, a large proportion of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are drug addicts.
Therefore
, giving them cash curbs the way for them to feed their addiction.
Consequently
, the issue of their lack of homes remains unsolved.
For example
, charity organizations like Give Them Homes, released a report in 2012 stating that, 80% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
that they sponsored with a large
Possible spelling mistake. 'cheque' is British English.
cheque
of 100, 000 dollars became
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
again after visiting them a year later.
Overall
, teaching them the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
they need to survive through jobs will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
tackle this dilemma.

However
, through accounting these finances into job teaching institutions, they can learn how to survive and
be equipped
with the experience they need to hold a job. If they were to attain employment, they can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money to feed themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to rent or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a living space.
For instance
, The Plumbing Scheme
was introduced
in Bristol in 2011, which facilitated the education of 56
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about the art of plumbing,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
they run a profitable plumbing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
Possible spelling mistake found.
ahd
have managed to stay of the road and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
comfortably
.
Undoubtedly
, this is a much better approach.

In conclusion
, tackling the burden of homelessness is essential in maintaining a healthy society. While monetary financing is not the best method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
this issue, there are other ways.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Government should spend money on railway rather than roads. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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