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The woman explains her interest in listening to the guest lecturer. State her interest and explain the problems surrounding the syndrome. v.1

The woman explains her interest in listening to the guest lecturer. State her interest and explain the problems surrounding the syndrome. v. 1
It is irrefutable that the purpose of disbursing pay for any personal events is a controversial topic. Therefore, a considerable number of masses opines that expending cash on organising birthday events and the marriage ceremony in terms of monetary is waste. Whilst others argue that these are essential for people and society. I personally agree with the later viewpoint and will discuss both the sides in the following paragraphs. To embark on, it is obvious that people spend a handsome amount of cash on cuisine and beverage during the celebration. In other words, most of the food goes as waste when the crowd doesn’t turn up and this results to wastage of food and energy. For Instance, when my cousin organised a wedding party, he had invited 200 folks, in which only 70 turned up. This resulted in wastage of bread and drinks. Furthermore, most of the masses celebrate their special occasions in a affluent manner. In other words, to showcase their standard of living as most of the they would be gathered in this event. Hence, most of them refuse this notion. On a contrary, Individuals can rather spend a good amount of money to the under poverty people. This means, it will help them to overcome starvation and can be free from other health threats. To illustrate an example, I spent close to 10, 000 Indian rupees on the NGO community, which indeed helped them to buy necessary medicines and foodstuff, To add on, Funding a decent amount of money to the local community can help maintain the cleanliness of the surroundings and thus keep the society free from garbage. This spending on the underprivileged and public would have a better impact than on personal satisfaction, In conclusion, Despite the fact the most of the masses disburse a good amount of money on personal events. I personally believe that spending relatively on poor people and the local community can help us build a better society and it also caters one’s character of being selfless.
It is irrefutable that the purpose of disbursing pay for any personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is a controversial topic.
Therefore
, a considerable number of masses opines that expending cash on
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and the marriage ceremony in terms of monetary is waste. Whilst others argue that these are essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and society. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the later viewpoint and will discuss both the sides in the following paragraphs.

To embark on, it is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend a handsome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of cash on cuisine and beverage during the celebration. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, most of the food goes as waste when the crowd doesn’t turn up and this results to wastage of food and energy.
For Instance
, when my cousin
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
a wedding party, he had invited 200 folks, in which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
70 turned up. This resulted in wastage of bread and drinks.
Furthermore
, most of the masses celebrate their special occasions
Consider replacing "in a affluent manner" with the adverb for "affluent"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a affluent manner
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, to showcase their standard of living as most of
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "they"?
the they
would
be gathered
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
.
Hence
, most of them refuse this notion.

On a contrary, Individuals can
rather
spend a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of money to the under poverty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This means, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to overcome starvation and can be free from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
health threats. To illustrate an example, I spent close to 10, 000 Indian rupees on the NGO community, which
indeed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
necessary medicines and foodstuff, To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
on, Funding a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of money to the local community can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
maintain the cleanliness of the surroundings and
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the society free from garbage. This spending on the underprivileged and public would have a better impact than on personal satisfaction,

In conclusion
, Despite the fact the most of the masses disburse a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of money on personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. I
personally
believe that spending
relatively
on poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the local community can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us build a better society and it
also
caters one’s character of being selfless.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The woman explains her interest in listening to the guest lecturer. State her interest and explain the problems surrounding the syndrome. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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