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The charts below show local government expenditure in 2000 and 2010 Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The charts below show local government expenditure in 2000 and 2010
It is an irrefutable fact that the trend of following celebrities among youngster rapidly increasing. Some people assert that most of the famous folks are known by their style and money as compared to their achievements and this would be a bad impact on teenagers. In my opinion, I totally disagree with the statement, youngsters influence by their bad habits. In this essay, I intend to support my views before reasonable conclusion can be drawn. There are several reasons why it does not influence badly on teens. Firstly, the person who becomes a celebrity, it means they have talent and best skills that’s why they are famous. Furthermore, if they have a beautiful face, that’s the main logic because nobody has glamour by nature. Moreover, if they struggle a-lot in his past life for that he is wealthy. For an example, there are many popular people who struggle in their life, after that they have all this things such as drake and so on. On the contrary side, most of the people attract by atrocious activities such as abusing in public and abuse drugs. In addition. This type of things could bad impact on the young generation. For an instance, the famous singer honey Singh lost his career because of using drugs and using bad language in songs. To put in a nutshell, I pen down and say that we don’t judge people by their glamour and richness. There are lots of struggle behind those people. It depends on people, which things they are followed bad or good things.
It is an irrefutable fact that the trend of following celebrities among youngster
rapidly
increasing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assert that most of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
folks
are known
by their style and money as compared to their achievements and this would be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

In my opinion, I
totally
disagree with the statement, youngsters influence by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
habits. In this essay, I intend to support my views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reasonable conclusion can
be drawn
.

There are several reasons why it does not influence
badly
on teens.
Firstly
, the person who becomes a celebrity, it means they have talent and best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that’s why they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
.
Furthermore
, if they have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
face, that’s the main logic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nobody has glamour by nature.
Moreover
, if they struggle a-lot in his past life for that he is wealthy. For an example, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who struggle in their life, after that they have all
Did you mean "these"?
this
things such as drake and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

On the contrary
side, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attract by atrocious activities such as abusing in public and abuse drugs.
In addition
. This type of things could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
impact on the young generation. For an instance, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
singer honey Singh lost his career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of using drugs and using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
language in songs.

To put in a nutshell, I pen down and say that we don’t judge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by their glamour and richness. There are
Possible agreement error. The noun struggle seems to be countable; consider using: "lots of struggles".
lots of struggle
behind those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which things they
are followed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The charts below show local government expenditure in 2000 and 2010

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
259 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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