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Young children are vulnerable. They easily get affected by the surrounding environment, this surrounding could be their parents, friends, etc. . While some thinks that the use of mobile would disturb the behavior of their children while others think the op v.1

Young children are vulnerable. They easily get affected by the surrounding environment, this surrounding could be their parents, friends, etc. . While some thinks that the use of mobile would disturb the behavior of their children while others think the op v. 1
Young children are vulnerable. They easily get affected by the surrounding environment, this surrounding could be their parents, friends, etc. . While some thinks that the use of mobile would disturb the behavior of their children while others think the opposite. In my opinion, it is an individual choice of a child that how he or she uses a particular device. To illustrate this, I am presenting some examples. Firstly, mobile with internet access enable us to connect our friends, family, and others. The use of social networking sites like facebook, instagram, etc, has increased the communication among people and connected the. Some children use these sources to connect with their well wishers, and some use this to read posts, like or comment fb & insta' s status etc. So, at the end, it all depends on an individual how, he or she perceive this assets. For instance, one of my close friend in the university made his connection to a top executive of a company through the Facebook. He provides his background and interacted about his goals, dream job. The company' s executive affected by his thoughts, and communication. He arranged an interview of my friend in his company, and finally my fried got selected. This way, what you do with your assets, it matters not what is assets. Secondly, the excessive use of mobile could have negative impacts on children study. In this case also, this opinion is highly debatable. The correct correlation among study with mobile depends on the individual child. While some child use mobile to watch movies or cartoons, to play online games, others use this to watch online study tutorials in youtube, reading their educational material through study applications. To illustrate this, recently I read in newspaper that a person cleared the toughest exam in India that is Indian Administrative Service, without any outside study support excepts online material through his mobile. This way, a child own motives matters a lot in what will he or she do if he or she get a such a diverse device. In conclusion, the use of technology can make the future of children as well as can destroy it. It is their parents responsibilities that they should be taught about use of a specific tools. If parents teach their children to open reading sites in the mobile and read about the content, they will do it and learn it whereas if parents use their mobile to watch youtube music or other entertainment stuffs, then their children would imitate their actions. All in all, it is about behavior to use an asset not about what assets itself.
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are vulnerable. They
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the surrounding environment, this surrounding could be their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile would disturb the behavior of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the opposite. In my opinion, it is an individual choice of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
that how he or she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
a particular device. To illustrate this, I am presenting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples.
Firstly
, mobile with internet access enable us to connect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of social networking sites like
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
instagram
, etc, has increased the communication among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and connected
Did you forget something after 'the'?
the.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these sources to connect with their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well wishers
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this to read posts, like or comment
Possible spelling mistake found.
fb
Possible spelling mistake found.
&amp
;
Possible spelling mistake found.
insta&
#039; s status etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, it all depends on an individual how, he or she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "perceives", "perceived".
perceive
Did you mean "these"?
this
assets.
For instance
, one of my close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
in the university made his connection to a top executive of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
through the Facebook. He provides his background and interacted about his goals, dream job. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
company&
#039; s executive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by his thoughts, and communication. He arranged an interview of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, and
finally
my fried
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
selected. This way, what you do with your assets, it matters not what is assets.
Secondly
, the excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
In this case
also
, this opinion is
highly
debatable. The correct correlation among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
with mobile depends on the individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies or cartoons, to play online games, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
tutorials in
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
, reading their educational material through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
applications. To illustrate this, recently I read in newspaper that a person cleared the toughest exam in India
that is
Indian Administrative Service, without any outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
support excepts online material through his mobile. This way, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
motives matters a lot in what will he or she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "does", "did".
do
if he or she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "gets", "got".
get
a such a diverse device.
In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as well
as can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
it. It is their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
responsibilities that they should
be taught
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a specific tools. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to open reading sites in the mobile and read about the content, they will do it and learn it whereas if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their mobile to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
music or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
entertainment stuffs, then their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would imitate their actions. All in all, it is about behavior to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
asset
not about what assets itself.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes

IELTS essay Young children are vulnerable. They easily get affected by the surrounding environment, this surrounding could be their parents, friends, etc. . While some thinks that the use of mobile would disturb the behavior of their children while others think the op v. 1

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
439 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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