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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.183

Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 183
In this contemporary era, there has been an increase in the trend of migrating to other nations. However, a latest toll illustrates, there is a considerable amount of people who express their likings to migrate and commute to other islands. In this essay, I intend to explain the potential causes and possible effects of this conduct in the following paragraphs. There are myriad factors which influence these actions. Firstly, most individuals migrate due to the fact to improve the standard of living. In other words, the high value of overseas currency helps them to afford for most of the products and services. For instance, a recent survey conducted by researchers shows most of them migrate to the western countries as the value of currency is double than their home nations. Secondly, Quality of education and health care are more superior. For example, Most youngsters prefer to graduate in top universities like Cambridge and Oxford. Thus these factors, mainly entertain most of the individuals to migrate. However, there are some positive and negative impacts on these practices. On a brighter side, Indirectly boosts the economy of the sending country as the migrants send money back to their parents. Furthermore, it reduces the pressure of overpopulation in most areas. On the darker side, This leads to Brain drain. In other words country looses skilled and educated individuals. To add on, there would be a shortage of labour as most of the youths migrate leaving old people at home nation. Thus necessary measures should be taken by bureaucrats to limit the determents. In conclusion, However migrating indirectly helps the sending nation wealth and reduce the pressure of occupants exploitation, there are some serious threats of loosing skilled people. Therefore, necessary measures should be taken by the government of both the countries to go hand in hand.
In this contemporary era, there has been an increase in the trend of migrating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
However
,
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
latest toll illustrates, there is a considerable amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who express their
Possible spelling mistake found.
likings
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrate
and commute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
islands. In this essay, I intend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the potential causes and possible effects of this conduct in the following paragraphs.

There are myriad factors which influence these actions.
Firstly
, most individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrate
due to the fact to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the standard of living. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the high value of overseas currency
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to afford for most of the products and services.
For instance
, a recent survey conducted by researchers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
most of them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrate
to the western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as the value of currency is
Use "doubler" to make a comparison with this adjective.
double
than their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
Secondly
, Quality of education and health care are more superior.
For example
, Most youngsters prefer to graduate in top universities like Cambridge and Oxford.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
these factors,
mainly
entertain most of the individuals to migrate.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on these practices. On a brighter side,
Indirectly
boosts the economy of the sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as the migrants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
money back to their parents.
Furthermore
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the pressure of overpopulation in most areas. On the darker side, This leads to Brain drain. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
looses skilled and educated individuals. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
on, there would be a shortage of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
as most of the youths
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrate
leaving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
necessary measures should
be taken
by bureaucrats to limit the
Possible spelling mistake found.
determents
.

In conclusion
,
However
migrating
indirectly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
wealth and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the pressure of occupants exploitation, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious threats of loosing skilled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Therefore
, necessary measures should
be taken
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to go hand in hand.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 183

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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