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Name a hobby you have and explain why that influence was important. Include details and examples to support your explanation. v.1

Name a hobby you have and explain why that influence was important. Include details and examples to support your explanation. v. 1
The internet has, no doubt, increased our access to information and to a great extent, I think that this is a good thing. In this essay, I will explore this opinion as well as give reasons and examples from knowledge and experience. To begin with, access to information is very important to assist with many tasks. Furthermore, it may help others gain access to jobs which would otherwise be difficult. Societies have many types of procedures that need to be completed to benefit the country. Moreover, these can sometimes be difficult. For example, programming is hard and cumbersome without access to information provided by the internet. Thus, no internet would be detrimental to this work sector. Subsequently, more important functions in technology would no longer work properly. In addition, the country's economy may be affected. Although, other sectors may also suffer from a lack of internet access. As well as that, access to the internet can be used to obtain advice and information regarding applying for work. For instance, 'google' provides many useful articles relating to working. Plus, internet users, can apply to jobs online rather than going to the company itself. However, this is not the only benefit. Users may communicate with each other and speak about finding available hiring web pages on websites such as 'Facebook'. Even though, this can be done without the internet but the availability of the internet greatly helps. As a result, people may find jobs more easily. In conclusion, access to information provided by the internet helps in the completion of work. Together with that, it supports in applying for jobs. As a consequence, I believe that access to internet information is a very good thing. I would strongly recommend that entry to the internet should be obtained to benefit in activities.
The internet has, no doubt, increased our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and to a great extent, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing. In this essay, I will explore this opinion
as well
as give reasons and examples from knowledge and experience. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to assist with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tasks.
Furthermore
, it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which would
otherwise
be difficult.

Societies have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
types of procedures that need to
be completed
to benefit the country.
Moreover
, these can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
be difficult.
For example
, programming is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and cumbersome without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
provided by the internet.
Thus
, no internet would be detrimental to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
sector.
Subsequently
, more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
functions in technology would no longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
properly
.
In addition
, the country's economy may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, other sectors may
also
suffer from
Possible agreement error. The noun internet seems to be countable; consider using: "a lack of (internet)".
a lack of internet
access.

As well
as that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to the internet can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to obtain advice and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
regarding applying for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For instance
, 'google' provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
useful articles relating to working. Plus, internet users, can apply to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
online
rather
than going to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
itself.
However
, this is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit. Users may communicate with each other and speak about finding available hiring web pages on websites such as 'Facebook'.
Even though
, this can
be done
without the internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the availability of the internet
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
more
easily
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
provided by the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the completion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Together with that, it supports in applying for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. As a consequence, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing. I would
strongly
recommend that entry to the internet should
be obtained
to benefit in activities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay Name a hobby you have and explain why that influence was important. Include details and examples to support your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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