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The widespread use of Internet has brought many problems. What do you think are the main problems associated with the use of Internet? What solutions can you suggest? v.2

The widespread use of Internet has brought many problems. What do you think are the main problems associated with the use of Internet? What solutions can you suggest? v. 2
Many people believe that the Internet technology, though has many benefits, has also caused a lot of problems in many societies. The following essay will discuss some major problems of the Internet usages and some of the solutions to resolve them. For a number of reasons, the worldwide use of the Internet has been the root cause of several serious issues. Firstly, it is a fact that the online technology provides various kinds of inappropriate entertainments for its users. Thousands of adult websites are available and can be freely accessed by people from different age groups. As a result, many teenagers are addicted to obscenity these days which has impacted to their psychological condition and academic performance. Secondly, the Internet technology has caused a lot of social communication issues between families and relatives. With the existence of smartphones and tablets, people could stay online 24 hours a day as they chat with their friends or play online games in their devices. Consequently, people have less eye to eye conversations with their families and friends these days. To resolve the first issue, parents should monitor their children's online activities. They should check regularly at their children's computer and smartphones and advise the children about the serious effect of accessing unsuitable contents to them. Parents could also make security setting for their home internet setting, whereas some adult websites will be blocked and banned. As for the second issue, it really needs the commitment of each individual and all the family members. For example, as parents need to lead by example, then they should give an example by using gadgets for a certain period of time. Another example is that all family members are not allowed to bring their own devices during meal time, therefore there will be a lot of time for eye-to-eye interaction between family members. In conclusion, it is reported that the Internet has brought some serious issues for many communities. To address the issue, we have to be more active and aware.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the Internet technology, though has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits, has
also
caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
problems in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
societies. The following essay will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major problems of the Internet usages and
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
solutions to resolve them.

For a number of reasons, the worldwide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the Internet has been the root cause of several serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
.
Firstly
, it is a fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
technology provides various kinds of inappropriate entertainments for its users. Thousands of adult websites are available and can be
freely
accessed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are addicted
to obscenity these days which has impacted to their psychological condition and academic performance.
Secondly
, the Internet technology has caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
social communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and relatives. With the existence of smartphones and tablets,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
24 hours a day as they chat with their friends or play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
games in their devices.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have less
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
eye to eye
conversations with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and friends these days.

To resolve the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
, parents should monitor their children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
activities. They should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
regularly
at their children's computer and smartphones and advise the children about the serious effect of accessing unsuitable contents to them. Parents could
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
security setting for their home internet setting, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adult websites will
be blocked
and banned. As for the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
, it
really
needs the commitment of each individual and all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, as parents need to lead by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, then they should give an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
by using gadgets for a certain period of time. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
is that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to bring their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
devices during meal time,
therefore
there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time for eye-to-eye interaction between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.

In conclusion
, it
is reported
that the Internet has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
communities. To address the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be more active and aware.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The widespread use of Internet has brought many problems. What do you think are the main problems associated with the use of Internet? What solutions can you suggest? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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