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The widespread use of Internet has brought many problems. What do you think are the main problems associated with the use of Internet? What solutions can you suggest? v.1

The widespread use of Internet has brought many problems. What do you think are the main problems associated with the use of Internet? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1
The Internet is a revolutionary technology and it has changed the way people work, interact with each other and interchange information, but not without consequences and the negative aspects are mostly related to the overuse and over reliance on this technology. In this essay main problems of the Internet technology, in particular, widespread use of it, with possible solutions have been discussed. First of all, widespread use of the Internet is related to new and innovative devices like smartphones and computers and we replace those devices more frequently than ever. Thus we are creating a throwaway society and contributing to the production of more dangerous waste than our previous generations. Furthermore, social media, online games, entertaining videos, etc. which are available online are contributing to the online addiction among many teenagers. Laziness, for instance, is one of the most severe consequences of overreliance on the Internet and that obstructs people from participating in social activities. In addition, people are becoming less active, both socially and physically, and that is mainly because they are using the Internet all the time. As a result, our health condition is deteriorating and our social life is in jeopardy.   Finally, our privacy is hanging in a vulnerable position and our security is in a risky state due to our dependency on the Internet. After investigating causes of the problems thoroughly, it will be easier to offer solutions to the matter. Because of the teenagers and youth are more dependent on the web than the older generation, it is an advantage to provide activities for those with the restriction of cell phones, for sure. We should buy a new electronic device only when this is absolutely necessary. Moreover, the use of the Internet in schools and workplaces should be monitored. Young generation should be encouraged to get involved in social and outdoor activities. Finally, we should make our Internet access more secure and follow the standard security protocol so that hackers and intruders cannot access and gain our personal information like password or credit card number. In conclusion, despite the fact that our society is becoming more dependent on the Internet and that can bring some negative effects for us, we have the solutions to mitigate these problems and enjoy the good side of this technology offers us.
The Internet is a revolutionary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
work, interact with each other and interchange information,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not without consequences and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects are
mostly
related to the overuse and over reliance on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. In this essay main problems of the Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
in particular
, widespread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of it, with possible solutions have
been discussed
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, widespread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the Internet
is related
to new and innovative devices like smartphones and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
computers and
we replace those devices more
frequently
than ever.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
we are creating a throwaway society and contributing to the production of more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
waste than our previous generations.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media, online games, entertaining videos, etc. which are available online are contributing to the online addiction among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. Laziness,
for instance
, is one of the most severe consequences of
Possible spelling mistake found.
overreliance
on the Internet and that obstructs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
activities.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are becoming less active, both
socially
and
physically
, and
that is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are using the Internet all the time.
As a result
, our health condition is deteriorating and our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life is in jeopardy.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Finally
, our privacy is hanging in a vulnerable position and our security is in a risky state due to our dependency on the Internet.

After investigating causes of the problems
thoroughly
, it will be easier to offer solutions to the matter.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and youth are more dependent on the web than the older generation, it is an advantage to provide activities for those with the restriction of cell phones, for sure. We should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a new electronic device
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when this is
absolutely
necessary.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the Internet in schools and workplaces should
be monitored
. Young generation should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and outdoor activities.
Finally
, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our Internet access more secure and follow the standard security protocol
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that hackers and intruders cannot access and gain our personal information like password or credit card number.

In conclusion
, despite the fact that our society is becoming more dependent on the Internet and that can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects for us, we have the solutions to mitigate these problems and enjoy the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
side of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
offers us.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay The widespread use of Internet has brought many problems. What do you think are the main problems associated with the use of Internet? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
383 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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