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Although sports events are very popular, violence at these events is on the increase. Why is this so? What should authorities do to prevent violence from taking place at sports events? v.1

Although sports events are very popular, violence at these events is on the increase. Why is this so? What should authorities do to prevent violence from taking place at sports events? v. 1
Despite the increasing popularity of sports events all around the world, brutality concerning those events, particularly among fans, has globally grabbed attention. This essay elucidates the wagering of fans as one of the crucial ingredients for the conflict then will connote setting heavy fines by authorities as a solution to reach a rational conclusion. To begin with, we need to consider reasons for people who love sports to behave such irrationally, especially when they watch live sports. This should be examined from different perspectives to fully understand the purposes of this attitude. Monetary incentives, however, could widely be indicated as one of the chief agents. To illustrate, worldwide many are addicted to wager on their favourite sportsmen or teams, ranging from football matches to horse riding competitions. The stress of not succeeding in their bet and correspondingly losing a great deal of money leads to accusing violent treatment. These behaviours might occur in forms of bothering or hurting other individuals or damaging public properties etc. Considering the diverse angles of this social phenomenon, setting a bunch of penalties against the populace particularly in wagering acts concerning sports events somehow could result in a fewer brutal etiquette of sport competition followers. As evidence, in some countries like Iran, wagering on any incident is identified as an unruly action in terms of legal and religion alike. Moreover, heavy fines could be waiting for offenders attempting to bet on athletic competitions. To conclude, although the causes of violent behaviour in sports events are needed to be considered from a different angle, the financial losses stemming from losing wager can be suitably responsible for such manners. Nevertheless, it could be under control by legislating stricter laws regarding wagering, in particular, in the field of athletic.
Despite the increasing popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
all around the world, brutality concerning those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
,
particularly
among fans, has globally grabbed attention. This essay elucidates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wagering
of fans as one of the crucial ingredients for the conflict then will connote setting heavy fines by authorities as a solution to reach a rational conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, we need to consider reasons for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to behave such
irrationally
,
especially
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. This should
be examined
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives to
fully
understand the purposes of this attitude. Monetary incentives,
however
, could
widely
be indicated
as one of the chief agents. To illustrate, worldwide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are addicted
to wager on their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
sportsmen or teams, ranging from football matches to horse riding competitions. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of not succeeding in their bet and
correspondingly
losing a great deal of money leads to accusing violent treatment. These
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
might occur in forms of bothering or hurting other individuals or damaging public properties etc.

Considering the diverse angles of this social phenomenon, setting a bunch of penalties against the populace
particularly
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wagering
acts concerning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
somehow could result in a fewer brutal etiquette of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
competition followers. As evidence, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries like Iran,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wagering
on any incident
is identified
as an
unruly
action in terms of legal and religion alike.
Moreover
, heavy fines could be waiting for offenders attempting to bet on athletic competitions.

To conclude
, although the causes of violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are needed
to
be considered
from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
angle, the financial losses stemming from losing wager can be
suitably
responsible for such manners.
Nevertheless
, it could be under control by legislating stricter laws regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wagering
,
in particular
, in the field of athletic.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Although sports events are very popular, violence at these events is on the increase. Why is this so? What should authorities do to prevent violence from taking place at sports events? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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