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the way people dresses is a good indication of her or his personality or character. do you agree or not? v.2

the way people dresses is a good indication of her or his personality or character. do you agree or not? v. 2
Throughout history, with the advent of technology and development of the fashion industry, people have paid more attention to what they wear and how they appear in society more than people who lived in the past. This matter whether cloths illustrate people’s personality is a controversial issue between individuals. I contend that classifying the people’s character based on their outfit is not rational. I will explicate my viewpoint through two outstanding reasons. The first noteworthy point regarding this issue is that sometimes cloths which people wear is not optional and according to their interest because there are some rules in some societies that force people to wear specific dresses. For example, my country is a religious country, and people must follow the principles of Islam and wear hijab. Woman have to cover all parts of their body, and men are not allowed to wear what they want. It is an obligatory situation and there are strict laws for rebellious individuals. If people do not obey these rules, the government will punish them. Due to this circumstance, we can’t assume that all people have religious personality and judge them by their appearance
Throughout history, with the advent of technology and development of the fashion industry,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have paid more attention to what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
and how they appear in society more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in the past. This matter whether cloths illustrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
personality is a controversial issue between individuals. I contend that classifying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
character based on their outfit is not rational. I will explicate my viewpoint through two outstanding reasons.

The
first
noteworthy point regarding this issue is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
cloths which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
is not optional and according to their interest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
societies that force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
specific dresses.
For example
, my country is a religious country, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
follow the principles of Islam and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
hijab. Woman
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cover all parts of their body, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
what they want. It is an obligatory situation and there are strict laws for rebellious individuals. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not obey these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will punish them. Due to this circumstance, we can’t assume that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have religious personality and judge them by their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
appearance
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay the way people dresses is a good indication of her or his personality or character. do you agree or not? v. 2

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
190 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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