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Do you agree or disagree? The way people dress is a good indication of his or her personality or character. v.41

The way people dress is a good indication of his or her personality or character. v. 41
It is quite obvious that the capabilities of new employees have aroused a lot of employer's interest, because they are the causes of a considerable number of other problems. Such issues need the sincere effort of both, the applicants as well as the owners, in order to face it and find the appropriate solutions for it. First of all, the problem of absence of cooperative skills has a lot of reasons, some of these are. Lack of experience of the candidates that is because they did not participate in any team work before applying for the job. In addition, they did not enrol in any courses to improve their basic skills for a particular job. For example, if the job seekers try to be self learners and learn from the free resources on the internet, their skills may develop and avoid any clashes with managers. Moreover, another cause of that issue is the corporation itself. As they have to select the employees based on a fixed criteria that must be matched with the profession requirements. Furthermore, organizations need experts to ask them before hiring candidates. For instance, the multinational companies ask a third party company that is dedicated to selecting workers to be more fair. Eventually, I do believe that this problem can come to the end, if the institutions set a clear standard for hiring and stick to these assessments. Also, employees have to improve their skills to be able to have an active role in the organization and be well paid. As, one hand never claps.
It is quite obvious that the capabilities of new employees have aroused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
employer's interest,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are the causes of a considerable number of other problems. Such issues need the sincere effort of both, the applicants
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
the owners, in order to face it and find the appropriate solutions for it.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the problem of absence of cooperative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these are. Lack of experience of the candidates
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they did not participate in any team work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
applying for the job.
In addition
, they did not enrol in any courses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for a particular job.
For example
, if the job seekers try to be self learners and learn from the free resources on the internet, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
may develop and avoid any clashes with managers.

Moreover
, another cause of that issue is the corporation itself.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
select the employees based on a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "criterion"?
criteria
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be matched
with the profession requirements.
Furthermore
, organizations need experts to ask them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
hiring candidates.
For instance
, the multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
ask a third party
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that
is dedicated
to selecting workers to be more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
.

Eventually
, I do believe that this problem can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, if the institutions set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
standard for hiring and stick to these assessments.
Also
, employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to be able to have an active role in the organization and be well paid.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
, one hand never claps.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay The way people dress is a good indication of his or her personality or character. v. 41

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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