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the urban transport system receives more funds compared to the rural transport system. why do you think is so? how can it be solved? v.2

the urban transport system receives more funds compared to the rural transport system. why do you think is so? how can it be solved? v. 2
While, certain individuals give priority to job happiness than occupation security, others opine that full-time job is more crucial. This essay will discuss both views and argue in favour of job contentment as it is not only beneficial for employees, but also for the company, followed by the details conclusion. Job satisfaction will not only help in increasing the productivity of employees, but will also reduce the attrition rate of the company. This is to say, it the employees working in an organisation are satisfied with the environment and work culture they will perform their duties more effectively and efficiently. Moreover, satisfied employees will not leave the organisation and thus organisation will not suffer from the problem of decrease in the number of employees. To elucidate, a recent study conducted by The New York Times showed that more than 80 percent of employees who are satisfied with their position not only perform their duties efficaciously but also do not resign from the organization. However, some people disagree and believe that full time employment plays a pivotal role. In other words, individuals are burdened with financial responsibilities such as to meet the needs of their family and children, thus it is important for them to work in a full-time post with high pay-scale irrespective of the surrounding and work ethics. To exemplify, a recent study conducted by The Times showed that more than 60 percent of the employed workers for higher salaries in order to meet their financial expenses. To conclude, some people give more importance to a permanent occupation than job contentment, however, In my opinion, I vehemently agree that job happiness is the key for employees to tasks with full productivity and the companies not suffering with the problems of continuous resignations.
While, certain individuals give priority to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
happiness than occupation security, others opine that full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is more crucial. This essay will discuss both views and argue in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
contentment as it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, followed by the
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "details'" or "detail's"?
details
conclusion.

Job satisfaction will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in increasing the productivity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the attrition rate of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. This is to say, it the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
working in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
are satisfied
with the environment and work culture they will perform their duties more
effectively
and
efficiently
.
Moreover
, satisfied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
and
thus
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
will not suffer from the problem of decrease in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. To elucidate, a recent study conducted by The New York Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 80 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who
are satisfied
with their position not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
perform their duties
efficaciously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
do not resign from the
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organization
.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
disagree and believe that full time employment plays a pivotal role.
In other words
, individuals
are burdened
with financial responsibilities such as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the needs of their family and children,
thus
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them to work in a full-time post with high pay-scale irrespective of the surrounding and work ethics. To exemplify, a recent study conducted by The Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 60 percent of the employed workers for higher salaries in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their financial expenses.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
give more importance to a permanent occupation than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
contentment,
however
, In my opinion, I
vehemently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
happiness is the key for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to tasks with full productivity and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
not suffering with the problems of continuous resignations.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay the urban transport system receives more funds compared to the rural transport system. why do you think is so? how can it be solved? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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