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The education a child receives at home from having parents who are positive role models is more important than the academic education a child receives at school. v.1

The education a child receives at home from having parents who are positive role models is more important than the academic education a child receives at school. v. 1
Undeniably, it is a heated debate who can teach children better- parents or educators in a school? Children mimic their parents' behaviours, and I personally believe that parents roles are more influential than that of teachers in schools. to begin with, we cannot discard the impact of education which students learn in institutions. One important factor is how much their academic knowledge can increase. Compared to parents, teachers have higher academic performance due to the amount of training they have. In particular, in science, they know more about the details of nature or technology, transferring them to their students; however, parents are not professional trainers. Furthermore, children may become less socially active if they only rely on their parents’ teaching. Communicating with the other peers in school, they can learn more about social interactions, while those studying home can become more isolated. In my case, never could I become a socially adolescent if I did not have enough communication with other classmates. On the other hand, I agree that the role of parents in the teaching of their offspring cannot be forgotten. One reason behind it is that they are trustworthy. Definitely, because there is a closer relationship between parents and their children emotionally, there is a firmer trust between them, whereas school instructors are less trustful. As a prime example, I could not rely on the social worker working in the secondary school I studied because he was a rigid person, even in general appearance, and many students could not trust his words. Another factor is that children spend more time with their parents than the trainers in school. Obviously, parents are able to find better their probable children’s behavioural problems due to spending long hours with them. In contrast, teachers spend less time with each student, leading to missing each one’s misconduct problems. In conclusion, the role of parents is more powerful on their children’s training than the tutors teaching in schools. From my perspective, parents are emotionally closer and have more enough time to educate their children. Had not they only taught by their parents, more educational and behavioural problems would have been left.
Undeniably
, it is a heated debate who can teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
better-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or educators in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
?
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
mimic their parents'
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
, and I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
roles are more influential than that of teachers in schools.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, we cannot discard the impact of education which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn in institutions. One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor is how much their academic knowledge can increase. Compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, teachers have higher academic performance due to the amount of training they have.
In particular
, in science, they know more about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of nature or technology, transferring them to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
;
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not professional trainers.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may become less
socially
active if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
rely on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
teaching. Communicating with the other peers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they can learn more about social interactions, while those studying home can become more isolated. In my case, never could I become a
socially
adolescent if I did not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
communication with other classmates.

On the other hand
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the teaching of their offspring cannot
be forgotten
. One reason behind it is that they are trustworthy. Definitely,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is a closer relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
emotionally
, there is a firmer trust between them, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
instructors are less trustful. As a prime example, I could not rely on the social worker working in the secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
I studied
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he was a rigid person, even
in general
appearance, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could not trust his words. Another factor is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend more time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
than the trainers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are able to find better their probable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
problems due to spending long hours with them.
In contrast
, teachers spend less time with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, leading to missing each one’s misconduct problems.

In conclusion
, the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is more powerful on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
training than the tutors teaching in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. From my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
emotionally
closer and have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Had not they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
taught by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, more educational and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
problems would have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay The education a child receives at home from having parents who are positive role models is more important than the academic education a child receives at school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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