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The UN has recently celebrated their 70th anniversary, What benefits has it bought during this time? Do you think the UN will last next 70 years? v.2

The UN has recently celebrated their 70th anniversary, What benefits has it bought during this time? Do you think the UN will last next 70 years? v. 2
The United Nations is the intergovernmental organization, responsible for making international peace and security. They work for the betterment of the world and had recently celebrated their 70th anniversary. During this time, they had made tremendous efforts for the development of people of different sectors at different levels and has also achieved multiple global awards, out of which some examples are discussed below. To begin with, the first example is the Nobel Peace Prize, which they were presented with for saving life of 90 million children by gathering funds for them. They had made huge efforts by convincing various organizational sectors to create funds for the underprivileged ones. This was their major contribution to the World. Another giant achievement of the soul reliever is the complete eradication of the disease called smallpox, with the help of their agency called World Health Organization. They have run the immunization campaign for almost 13 years to take this disorder to complete extinction. They had also created a big history in protecting Ozone layer. Ozone is important to protect the humans on earth from different substances or chemicals that approach towards them. They have sponsored 21 countries to take a pledge to take action against deterioration of the Ozone layer caused by various chemical substances that are usually waste material of manufacturing industries that reaches the sky. Hence, a great contribution has been done by them for our safety. In a nutshell, the United Nations deserves to celebrate the 70th anniversary in response of the global struggles for human race, and if they continue to work at a same pace, they are likely to survive the next 70 years too.
The United Nations is the intergovernmental organization, responsible for making international peace and security. They work for the betterment of the world and had recently celebrated their 70th anniversary. During this time, they had made tremendous efforts for the development of
people
of
different
sectors at
different
levels and has
also
achieved multiple global awards, out of which
some
examples
are discussed
below.

To
begin
with, the
first
example is the Nobel Peace Prize, which they
were presented
with for saving life of 90 million children by gathering funds for them. They had made huge efforts by convincing various organizational sectors to create funds for the underprivileged ones. This was their major contribution to the World.

Another giant achievement of the soul reliever is the complete eradication of the disease called smallpox, with the
help
of their agency called World Health Organization. They have run the immunization campaign for almost 13 years to take this disorder to complete extinction.

They had
also
created a
big
history in protecting Ozone layer. Ozone is
important
to protect the humans on earth from
different
substances or chemicals that approach towards them. They have sponsored 21 countries to take a pledge to take action against deterioration of the Ozone layer caused by various chemical substances that are
usually
waste material of manufacturing industries that reaches the sky.
Hence
, a great contribution has
been done
by them for our safety.

In a nutshell, the United Nations deserves to celebrate the 70th anniversary in response of the global struggles for human race, and if they continue to work at a same pace, they are likely to survive the
next
70 years too.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay The UN has recently celebrated their 70th anniversary, What benefits has it bought during this time? Do you think the UN will last next 70 years? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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