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The ultimated use of cars may cause many problems. What are those problems? In order to reduce the problem, should we discourage people to use cars? v.1

The ultimated use of cars may cause many problems. What are those problems? In order to reduce the problem, should we discourage people to use cars? v. 1
OWING TO THE FACT THAT MODERNISATION HAS BROUGHT ALONG EFFECTIVE CHOICES THAN THE ATHENAEUM, I AM OF THE OPINION THAT IT SHOULD BE CLOSED DOWN DUE TO THE SOME FACTORS RANGING FROM PHYSICAL TO ECONOMICAL. TO START WITH TECHNOLOGY HAS BROUGHT WITH IT THE INTERNET WHICH ENABLES ONE RESEARCH ON ANYTHING WITH JUST A CLICK OF A BUTTON. NOWADAYS IT IS INTERESTING TO NOTE THE AVAILABILITY OF SEARCH ENGINES WHICH CONTAINS INFORMATION ON ALL AREAS AND EXPERTISE. HOWEVER, IT IS AN ARCHIVE WHICH SERVES AS A REFERENCE IN MOST TOPICS PAST AND PRESENT, NOT ONLY AVAILABLE TO STUDENTS BUT ANYONE IN SEARCH OF KNOWLEDGE IN THE COMFORT OF THEIR HOMES OR ON THE GO, BECAUSE THE LIBRARY IS NOT THE MOST CONDUCIVE LEARNING ENVIRONMENT, DUE TO THE CROWD AND NOISE, IT IS ADVICABLE TO EMBRACE SUCH EXPEDITIOUS WAY OF LEARNING. ADDITIONALLY, BORROWING JOURNALS FROM A STORE IS KNOWN TO BE PRICEY COMPARED TO THE USE OF THE USE OF DATA NETWORK. ANOTHER POINT TO CONSIDER IS THE ACCESSIBITY OF DOCUMENTARY, NEWSCASTS, TED TALKS WHICH ARE VERY COMPREHENSIVE AND INNOVATIVE. AT THE MOMENT LIFE AFTER SCHOOL IS A VERY HECTIC ONE AND PEOPLE NO LONGER HAVE THE TIME TO VISIT THE BOOK COLLECTION ROOMS AS MUCH, THEREFORE, THE AFFOREMENTIONED TOOLS HELP PEOPLE WITH CURRENT UPDATES ABOUT RECENT HAPPENINGS IN AND AROUND THE GLOBE FROM THE MOMENT THEY ARE OCCURING AND THROUGH THE ENTIRE PROCESS OF IT. FURTHERMORE, MOST OF THE BOOKS IN THE COLLECTION ROOMS ARE OUTDATED AND ARCHAIC, DUE TO THE FACT THAT IT TAKES A HUGE AMOUNT OF TIME FOR AUTHORS TO PROVIDE UPDATED MATERIALS. TO CONCLUDE, I BELIEVE THAT DUE TO THE AVAILABLENESS OF FREE NOTES ON THE WEB, WORKBOOKS, PODCASTS, AND CURREENT AFFAIRS THE CLOSURE OF THE SAID STRUCTURE IS ADVISABLE.
OWING TO THE FACT THAT
Possible spelling mistake. 'MODERNISATION' is British English.
MODERNISATION
HAS BROUGHT ALONG EFFECTIVE CHOICES THAN THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
ATHENAEUM
, I AM OF THE OPINION THAT IT SHOULD
BE CLOSED
DOWN

DUE TO THE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
FACTORS RANGING FROM PHYSICAL TO ECONOMICAL.

TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
START
WITH TECHNOLOGY HAS BROUGHT WITH IT THE INTERNET WHICH ENABLES ONE RESEARCH ON ANYTHING WITH
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
JUST
A CLICK OF A BUTTON. NOWADAYS IT IS INTERESTING TO NOTE THE AVAILABILITY OF SEARCH ENGINES WHICH CONTAINS INFORMATION ON ALL AREAS AND EXPERTISE.
HOWEVER
, IT IS AN ARCHIVE WHICH SERVES AS A REFERENCE IN MOST TOPICS PAST AND PRESENT, NOT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ONLY
AVAILABLE TO STUDENTS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
ANYONE IN SEARCH OF KNOWLEDGE IN THE COMFORT OF THEIR HOMES OR ON THE GO,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
THE LIBRARY IS NOT THE MOST CONDUCIVE LEARNING ENVIRONMENT, DUE TO THE CROWD AND NOISE, IT IS
Possible spelling mistake found.
ADVICABLE
TO EMBRACE SUCH EXPEDITIOUS WAY OF LEARNING.
ADDITIONALLY
, BORROWING JOURNALS FROM A STORE
IS KNOWN
TO BE PRICEY COMPARED TO THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
OF THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
OF DATA NETWORK.

ANOTHER POINT TO CONSIDER IS THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
ACCESSIBITY
OF DOCUMENTARY, NEWSCASTS, TED TALKS WHICH ARE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
VERY
COMPREHENSIVE AND INNOVATIVE. AT THE MOMENT LIFE AFTER SCHOOL IS A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
VERY
HECTIC ONE AND
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
NO LONGER HAVE THE TIME TO VISIT THE BOOK COLLECTION ROOMS AS MUCH,
THEREFORE
, THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
AFFOREMENTIONED
TOOLS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELP
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
WITH
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CURRENT
UPDATES ABOUT RECENT HAPPENINGS IN AND AROUND THE GLOBE FROM THE MOMENT THEY ARE
Possible spelling mistake found.
OCCURING
AND THROUGH THE ENTIRE PROCESS OF IT.
FURTHERMORE
, MOST OF THE BOOKS IN THE COLLECTION ROOMS
ARE OUTDATED
AND ARCHAIC, DUE TO THE FACT THAT IT TAKES A HUGE AMOUNT OF TIME FOR AUTHORS TO PROVIDE UPDATED MATERIALS.

TO CONCLUDE
, I BELIEVE THAT DUE TO THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
AVAILABLENESS
OF FREE NOTES ON THE WEB, WORKBOOKS, PODCASTS, AND
Possible spelling mistake found.
CURREENT
AFFAIRS THE CLOSURE OF THE SAID STRUCTURE IS ADVISABLE.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The ultimated use of cars may cause many problems. What are those problems? In order to reduce the problem, should we discourage people to use cars? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
294 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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