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Television has had a significant influence on the cultural of many societies. To what extent would you say that television has positively or negatively affected the cultural development of your society? v.1

Television has had a significant influence on the cultural of many societies. v. 1
There is no denying the fact that the sales of the fashionable clothes have risen dramatically in the last few years. The positive side of this trend is eclipsed by its negative aspects. This essay will analyse both the aspects in the following paragraphs. It is argued that wearing branded clothes enhances the self confidence of an individual. This notion was championed by a survey done by a leading magazine. According to it, people who wore fashionable clothes on the day of the interview did better than those who wore regular attire. Furthermore, it is believed that wearing trendy attire enhances the personality of the individual. This, in turn, improves his self esteem and he may even win the respect/admiration of his colleagues / friends. However, this positive side of having branded apparel is overshadowed by its negative aspects. First and foremost, clothes endorsed by celebrities are usually very expensive. Consequently, the obsession with wearing branded costumes may hurt the financial health of a middle class family. Secondly, fashion trends are ephemeral, lasting at the most one season. This casts doubt on the long term utility of these clothes. Hence, wastage of dresses is a huge concern. Last but not least, there are serious aspersions on the quality of clothing material as they are meant for short term usage. Therefore, it is evident that negative aspects of buying fashionable clothes dominate its few positive effects. To conclude, it is clear that fashionable clothes are more of a luxury than a necessity. Performance in any walk of life should not depend upon the type of clothes one wears; rather it should depend on one’s intellect and education. Therefore, it is reasonable to state that negative aspects of following fashion trends outweigh its positive side.
There is no denying the fact that the sales of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
have risen
dramatically
in the last few years. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
side of this trend
is eclipsed
by its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
in the following paragraphs.

It
is argued
that wearing branded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
enhances the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
of an individual. This notion
was championed
by a survey done by a leading magazine. According to it,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who wore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
on the day of the interview did better than those who wore regular attire.
Furthermore
, it
is believed
that wearing trendy attire enhances the personality of the individual. This, in turn,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
his
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self esteem
and he may even win the respect/admiration of his colleagues / friends.

However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
side of having branded apparel
is overshadowed
by its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
endorsed by celebrities are
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive.
Consequently
, the obsession with wearing branded costumes may hurt the financial health of a middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
family.
Secondly
, fashion trends are ephemeral, lasting at the most one season. This casts doubt on the long term utility of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
.
Hence
, wastage of dresses is a huge concern. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, there are serious aspersions on the quality of clothing material as they
are meant
for short term usage.
Therefore
, it is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
dominate its few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
effects.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
are more of a luxury than a necessity. Performance in any walk of life should not depend upon the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
one wears;
rather
it should depend on one’s intellect and education.
Therefore
, it is reasonable to state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of following fashion trends outweigh its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
side.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Television has had a significant influence on the cultural of many societies. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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