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The unlimited uses of cars may cause many problems. What are those problems? In order to reduce this problem, should we discourage people to use cars? v.1

The unlimited uses of cars may cause many problems. What are those problems? In order to reduce this problem, should we discourage people to use cars? v. 1
It is clear that cars by far is the most popular mean of transportation. However, using cars leads to many problems to society and environment which should be solved by both government and individuals. The foremost problems caused by having more cars is congestion. Instead of travelling by bicycles, public transport or walking, many people use cars to commute to work which is the main cause of traffic jam. For instance, In Hanoi, people spend a lot of time traveling in rush hours because of the traffic which causes low working efficiency and wasting of time resources. Furthermore, Emissions from cars results in environmental problems, especially air pollution. This will effect on people health and lead to some serious diseases such as lung cancer and asthma if they breath in a lot of smoke from cars every day. There are several actions could be taken to decline the car usage. Firstly, government should enact policy to encourage people use other forms of vehicles which are friendly to environment. For example, if more cycling lanes are built, more people would ride a bike to work instead of driving. Secondly, they can increase tax on cars and parking fee as well as develop public transport such as train and bus to decrease the number of people buying private cars. Finally, it is more important to raise people awareness of the problems of having more cars by advertising and having those public to all citizens. In conclusion, massive uses of cars cause many problems but a possible solution can be adapt to prevent bad effects of them on environment and society.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
by far is the most popular mean of transportation.
However
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
to society and environment which should
be solved
by both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and individuals.

The foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
caused by having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is congestion.
Instead
of travelling by bicycles, public transport or walking,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
to commute to work which is the main cause of traffic jam.
For instance
, In Hanoi,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time traveling in rush hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the traffic which causes low working efficiency and wasting of time resources.
Furthermore
, Emissions from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
results in environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
especially
air pollution. This will
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
health and lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious diseases such as lung cancer and asthma if they
Did you mean the verb "breathe"? 'breath' is a noun.
breath
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
smoke from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
every day.

There are several actions could
be taken
to decline the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
usage.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should enact policy to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
other forms of vehicles which are friendly to environment.
For example
, if more cycling lanes
are built
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would ride a bike to work
instead
of driving.
Secondly
, they can increase tax on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
and parking fee
as well
as develop public transport such as train and bus to decrease the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
buying private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
Finally
, it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
awareness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
by advertising and having those public to all citizens.

In conclusion
, massive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a possible solution can be
Consider using the past participle "adapted"?
adapt
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects of them on environment and society.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay The unlimited uses of cars may cause many problems. What are those problems? In order to reduce this problem, should we discourage people to use cars? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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