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These days many families move abroad for work. Some people believe that this benefits the children in these families. Others believe that it makes their lives more difficult. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

These days many families move abroad for work. Some people believe that this benefits the children in these families. Others believe that it makes their lives more difficult. v. 2
Nowadays, a significant number of families immigrate to foreign countries in pursuit of more job opportunities. While some people assert this trend is beneficial for dependent offspring, others opine that this venture brings more difficulties to the children. This essay seeks to investigate both mentioned viewpoint, followed by my own perception. On the one hand, there are a plethora of advantages to support the former group’s perspective. First and perhaps the most lucrative point is that children alongside their families, escape the challenges of their home country. To elaborate, there are many problems, including unemployment that forces families to move abroad; hence, these children will find it easier to find a job. Moreover, immigrant children are more successful in climbing the ladder of their career even compared to natives. Statistics show that the unemployment rate among bilingual adults who immigrated when they were children is less than 20 percent, additionally, they hold more pivotal positions in various fields. On the other hand, the latter group claim that moving to another country during childhood has its share of drawbacks. Immigration has almost an unbearable negative physiological effect on them because children have to get acquainted with a new culture. To illustrate, latest researches conducted by A. B. C university prove that one of the major causes of childhood depression is the cultural and language barrier to immigration. Furthermore, they have to abandon their school and friends which adds to the mentioned problem. In conclusion, while both sides have indisputable points in defending their viewpoints. From my notion, for children, the merits of moving abroad outweigh the demerits they will have a brighter future due to the ample availability of job opportunities and elimination of old country’s problems.
Nowadays, a significant number of families immigrate to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in pursuit of more job opportunities. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert this trend is beneficial for dependent offspring, others opine that this venture brings more difficulties to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This essay seeks to investigate both mentioned viewpoint, followed by my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perception.

On the one hand, there are a plethora of advantages to support the former group’s perspective.
First
and perhaps the most lucrative point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
alongside their families, escape the challenges of their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. To elaborate, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems, including unemployment that forces families to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
abroad;
hence
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will find it easier to find a job.
Moreover
, immigrant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more successful in climbing the ladder of their career even compared to natives. Statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the unemployment rate among bilingual adults who immigrated when they were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is less than 20 percent,
additionally
, they hold more pivotal positions in various fields.

On the other hand
, the latter group claim that moving to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
during childhood has its share of drawbacks. Immigration has almost an unbearable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
physiological effect on them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
acquainted with a new culture. To illustrate,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
researches conducted by A. B. C university prove that one of the major causes of childhood depression is the cultural and language barrier to immigration.
Furthermore
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
abandon their school and friends which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
to the mentioned problem.

In conclusion
, while both sides have indisputable points in defending their viewpoints. From my notion, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, the merits of moving abroad outweigh the demerits they will have a brighter future due to the ample availability of job opportunities and elimination of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
problems.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay These days many families move abroad for work. Some people believe that this benefits the children in these families. Others believe that it makes their lives more difficult. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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