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The pie chart below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The pie chart below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013
Nowadays, technology has become an indispensable part of human life and among all its inventions; the internet has turned out to be the most significant creation. While I believe that the internet has numerous benefits to the individuals and the society as a whole, I also agree that concerns about security and control of data present on the internet cannot be overlooked. On the one hand, the internet has made individuals’ life easier by offering various services like online shopping and online banking. Now stepping out of home is not necessary as clothes, groceries and other similar stuff can be bought online and even money transactions can be performed while sitting in the comfort of the living room. Moreover, communication service on the internet has not only enabled people to stay in touch with their far-resident friends and relatives, but has also provided a platform to the business entities to expand and promote their business. Also, the vast amount of information available on the web is useful for students to gain knowledge and complete their projects more efficiently. On the other hand, the numbers of incidents of cyber crime have also increased due to lack of control on the World Wide Web. The incidents of identity spoofing, online frauds and online child abuse have raised questions about the benefits of the Internet. In addition, personal data collected by various social networking and commercial sites are often accessible to third parties, either through some hacking technique or collaboration with the host website. Furthermore, mobile applications have designed their terms and conditions in such a way that they can access whole data on our mobile phones, posing a threat to our privacy. Recently, data of around 50, 000 university students in Australia were leaked through vulnerabilities in the Get app. To conclude, communication, information and convenience that internet offers has revolutionized lifestyles of humans in a number of ways and people should use the internet services wisely. Though security measures such as anti-virus softwares, firewalls and spyware are available to counteract virus, trojan and other means of unauthorized access to data, government and public should also contribute towards curbing the downside of the technology. Governments should form more regulations against security breaches and impose strict penalties on the defaulters and parents should also keep an eye on their children's activities on the Internet.
Nowadays, technology has become an indispensable part of human life and among all its inventions; the internet has turned out to be the most significant creation. While I believe that the internet has numerous benefits to the individuals and the society as a whole, I
also
agree
that concerns about security and control of
data
present on the internet cannot
be overlooked
.

On the one hand, the internet has made individuals’ life easier by offering various services like
online
shopping and
online
banking.
Now
stepping out of home is not necessary as clothes, groceries and other similar stuff can be
bought
online
and even money transactions can
be performed
while sitting in the comfort of the living room.
Moreover
, communication service on the internet has not
only
enabled
people
to stay in touch with their far-resident friends and relatives,
but
has
also
provided a platform to the business entities to expand and promote their business.
Also
, the vast amount of information available on the web is useful for students to gain knowledge and complete their projects more
efficiently
.

On the other hand
, the numbers of incidents of cyber crime have
also
increased due to lack of control on the World Wide Web. The incidents of identity spoofing,
online
frauds and
online
child abuse have raised questions about the benefits of the Internet.
In addition
, personal
data
collected by various social networking and commercial sites are
often
accessible to third parties, either through
some
hacking technique or collaboration with the host website.
Furthermore
, mobile applications have designed their terms and conditions in such a way that they can access whole
data
on our mobile phones, posing a threat to our privacy. Recently,
data
of around 50, 000 university students in Australia
were leaked
through vulnerabilities in the
Get
app.

To conclude
, communication, information and convenience that internet offers has revolutionized lifestyles of humans in a number of ways and
people
should
use
the internet services
wisely
. Though security measures such as anti-virus
softwares
, firewalls and spyware are available to counteract virus,
trojan
and other means of unauthorized access to
data
,
government
and public should
also
contribute towards curbing the downside of the technology.
Governments
should form more regulations against security breaches and impose strict penalties on the defaulters and parents should
also
keep
an eye on their children's activities on the Internet.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The pie chart below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
391 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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