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The two charts show the main sources of energy in the USA in 1980 and 1990. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant. v.1

The two charts show the main sources of energy in the USA in 1980 and 1990.
Nowadays, people start to think about the environment more and more. Some of them pay attention, to take care of it, others suggest that it is the government’s responsibility. I think, only the teamwork of individuals and the government can help to save the environment. On the one hand, people should take care of their habitat. I think, a human can follow good behaviour with nature; for example, do not throw away garbage, especially plastic and petroleum waste. Moreover, all of us can reduce consumption of water, gas and electricity to keep energy; for example, people should turn off the lights if they left the room or they should take a shower instead of a bathroom because it influences directly on the environment. Adults should teach children what they can do to save and improve the condition of the environment. On the other hand, the government can do more than individuals, because laws and rules cover all spheres of life. Moreover, the government should regulate and control industries that the last does not exhaust the air and wastewater. I think, a big punishment can motivate the manufacturers to reduce environmental pollution. Moreover, the modern countries encourage eco-friendly technologies in all spheres of life. For example, if private householders use a solar battery, they will reduce the consumption of traditional energy sources. At the same time, I suggest that individuals and the government should take care of the environment together. People should direct all efforts to reduce pollution, because they children will live here. In conclusion, it has significant importance to take care of the environment. Moreover, everybody should think about our common house like Earth to save and protect it in advance.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
more and more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them pay attention, to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of it, others suggest that it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
responsibility. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the teamwork of individuals and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to save the environment.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their habitat. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
, a human can follow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
with nature;
for example
, do not throw away garbage,
especially
plastic and petroleum waste.
Moreover
, all of us can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
consumption of water, gas and electricity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
energy;
for example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should turn off the lights if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
room or
they should take a shower
instead
of a bathroom
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it influences
directly
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. Adults should teach children what they can do to save and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the condition of the environment.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can do more than individuals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
laws and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
cover all spheres of life.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should regulate and control industries that the last does not exhaust the air and wastewater. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
punishment can motivate the manufacturers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
environmental pollution.
Moreover
, the modern countries encourage eco-friendly technologies in all spheres of life.
For example
, if private householders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a solar battery, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the consumption of traditional energy sources.

At the same time, I suggest that individuals and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
together.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should direct all efforts to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
pollution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
here.

In conclusion
, it has significant importance to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
Moreover
, everybody should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about our common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
like Earth to save and protect it in advance.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The two charts show the main sources of energy in the USA in 1980 and 1990.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
282 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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