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The charts below give information on the ages of populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, an make comparisions where relevant. v.2

The charts below give information on the ages of populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.
The pie charts explains the agewise distribution of population in two countries Yemen and Italy in the year 2000 and expectations of the year 2050. Overall in Yemen, younger children and adults upto the age of 60 were in higher proportions with elderly individuals in negligible numbers. But in Italy, old aged populations and people between 15 to 60 were in accountable portions and children upto the age of 14 was in lesser percentages. Moving on to the details of Yemen, half of the populations of 2000 was filled up by children upto the age of 14 where as it reduced to just a quarter by 2050. At the same time people between age 15 and 60 years was 46. 3 % in 2000 and supposed to go up to 57. 3 % by 2050. In both these years elderly persona with age 60 and above remained negligible, 3. 6 % and 5. 7 % respectively. Next looking into informations of Italy, in both 2000 and 2050, incontrast to Yemen elderly people were in significant proportions which comes to be 24. 1% and 42. 3%. In this population younger childrens between age 0 to 14 years were 14. 3 % and 11. 5 % in 2000 and 2050, which were in small proportions with respect to Yemen. Age varying from 15 to 59 yaers marked the largest proportions and it was 61. 6 % and 46. 2 % seperately and was almost comparable to Yemen.
The pie charts
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explains
the
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agewise
distribution of
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population
in two countries Yemen and Italy in the
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year
2000 and expectations of the
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year
2050.

Overall
in Yemen, younger
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children
and adults
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upto
the
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age
of 60 were in higher proportions with elderly individuals in negligible numbers.
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But
in Italy,
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old
aged
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populations
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 15 and 60".
between 15 to 60
were in accountable portions and
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children
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upto
the
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age
of 14 was in lesser percentages.

Moving on to the
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details
of Yemen, half of the
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populations
of 2000
was filled
up by
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children
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upto
the
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age
of 14
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
it
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reduced
to
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just
a quarter by 2050. At the same time
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people
between
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age
15 and 60 years was 46. 3 % in 2000 and supposed to go up to 57. 3 % by 2050. In both these years elderly persona with
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age
60 and above remained negligible, 3. 6 % and 5. 7 %
respectively
.

Next
looking into
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
of Italy, in both 2000 and 2050,
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incontrast
to Yemen elderly
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people
were in significant proportions which
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comes
to be 24. 1% and 42. 3%. In this
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population
younger
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childrens
between
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age
0 to 14 years were 14. 3 % and 11. 5 % in 2000 and 2050, which were in
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small
proportions with respect to Yemen.
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Age
varying from 15 to 59
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yaers
marked the largest proportions and it was 61. 6 % and 46. 2 %
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seperately
and was almost comparable to Yemen.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
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IELTS essay The charts below give information on the ages of populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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