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You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by local authorities in Someland in 1980, 1990 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparis v.27

The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by local authorities in Someland in 1980, 1990 and 2000.
Traditional festivals are the symbols of every culture in the world, which are considered as a beauty worth conserving. However, some people are concerned that these days, these cultural symbols have been forgotten and people do not care about them. I strongly disagree with this statement. In my opinion, people nowadays still keep the value of these festivals and they are enjoying them in a new way. Traditional festivals are the time for people to relax themselves. Some people are always busy and they find it really difficult to find time to blow the steam off; therefore, they can take advantage of the time when companies break out to travel with their families or enjoy themselves. During the festival periods, cultural activities are held across the countries and people can enjoy them with everyone in new places. This helps to connect people in the country together, and as a result, they can not only release stress at work, but they also build up more relationships that may be beneficial for them. People who advocate this perspective may argue that the younger generations today would prefer to chat on social networks rather than communicating with their relatives as in Tet holiday. In fact, these apps are actually bringing people closer beyond boundaries and distances. For example, thanks to the advent of the Internet, people who cannot set back to their home countries can still enjoy Tet as if they were in. Moreover, it would be great to post photos about these festivals on social websites as a way to keep memories and people can transfer the beauty of them to let more people across the globe know about their culture. In summary, I do not think that people are forgetting about the meaning and value of their cultural festivals, but they do promote them in better ways.
Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
are the symbols of every culture in the world, which
are considered
as a beauty worth conserving.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concerned
that these days, these cultural symbols have
been forgotten
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not care about them. I
strongly
disagree with this statement. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the value of these
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
festivals and
they are enjoying them
Consider replacing "in a new way" with the adverb for "new"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a new way
.

Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
are the time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to relax themselves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
busy and
they find it
really
difficult to find time to blow the steam off;
therefore
, they can take advantage of the time when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
break out to travel with their families or enjoy themselves. During the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
periods, cultural activities
are held
across the countries and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy them with everyone in new places. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the country together, and
as a result
, they can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
at work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
build up more relationships that may be beneficial for them.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who advocate this perspective may argue that the younger generations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
would prefer to chat on social networks
rather
than communicating with their relatives as in Tet holiday. In fact, these apps are actually bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer beyond boundaries and distances.
For example
, thanks to the advent of the Internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cannot set back to their home countries can
still
enjoy Tet as if they were in.
Moreover
, it would be great to post photos about these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
on social websites as a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
memories and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can transfer the beauty of them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the globe know about their culture.

In summary, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are forgetting about the meaning and value of their cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do promote them in better ways.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by local authorities in Someland in 1980, 1990 and 2000.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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