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The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by local authorities in Someland in 1980, 1990 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. v.1

The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by local authorities in Someland in 1980, 1990 and 2000.
As of today, citizens in most developed countries are well educated. Therefore, some people think that the main purpose of educational development is to make people useful to society, while others believe that knowledge helps them to achieve personal ambitions. I think that both the views are equally sufficient, but the latter may be more commonly opted. Thus, this essay will discuss both the arguments in detail and provide support as to why, I think that education helps individuals achieve their own goals. Firstly, a plethora of people think that the aim of schooling is to make use in the society, due to a large number of people working for governments and doing charity work as a living. For example, an acquaintance of mine works as a doctor in areas where the residents are unable to afford regular examination or treatment. Hence, shows that her schooling purpose is solely dedicated to the society. Therefore, I think it is understandable for many to think this way. On the other hand, it is believed by many that, individuals gain knowledge just for their personal gains. For instance, my uncle owns his own business of importing goods from America. This implicates that he was educated to serve his own needs and inherit the business on to his family. Thus, many choose to believe this opinion, that is to gain literacy for the benefits of their own. To conclude, I think it is logical to accept both views, respectively, due to the individuals' varying implication of education. Despite the debate, I opine that the sole goal of serving one's own ambitions outweighs the other opinion.
As of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, citizens in most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the main purpose of educational development is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
useful to society, while others believe that knowledge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to achieve personal ambitions. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that both the views are
equally
sufficient,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the latter may be more
commonly
opted.
Thus
, this essay will discuss both the arguments in detail and provide support as to why, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
individuals achieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
goals.

Firstly
, a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the aim of schooling is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in the society, due to
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and doing charity work as a living.
For example
, an acquaintance of mine works as a doctor in areas where the residents are unable to afford regular examination or treatment.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that her schooling purpose is
solely
dedicated to the society.
Therefore
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is understandable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
this way.

On the other hand
, it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that, individuals gain knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for their personal gains.
For instance
, my uncle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business of importing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
from America. This implicates that he
was educated
to serve his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
needs and inherit the business on to his family.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
choose to believe this opinion,
that is
to gain literacy for the benefits of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

To conclude
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is logical to accept both views,
respectively
, due to the individuals' varying implication of education. Despite the debate, I opine that the sole goal of serving one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ambitions outweighs the other opinion.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by local authorities in Someland in 1980, 1990 and 2000.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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