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The twentieth century was great change. In your opinion, what is one change that should be remembered about the twentieth century? v.1

The twentieth century was great change. In your opinion, what is one change that should be remembered about the twentieth century? v. 1
Starvation is prevalent amongst the people in the world, despite the developments made in the agriculture industry. There are many reasons behind it including poverty and poor transport. The main reason behind people sleeping hungry in spite of the agricultural developments is poverty. In other words, these developments ensure the growth and development of fresh fruits and vegetables, but people of lower socioeconomic status have no access to it. As a result of genetic engineering the crops may be resistant to climatic changes and can be transported over long distances, but these factors have raised the prices even further. Hence, poor people cannot afford to purchase such highly nutritious food. Another reason behind this may be due to poor transportation system in agriculture based nations. It is generally observed that the farms and crops are cultivated in villages away from the city centre. A good transportation service is required for these vegetables to be transported to other regions which is lacking in village areas. Hence, the crops suffer damage during storage and transport and cannot reach the deserving people. The problems of hunger amongst people can be solved if government provides subsidized rates of vegetable’s and control the prices at the national level. In addition, the utility stores for low income group can be maintained by the government were only poor people can come to purchase fruits and vegetables’. Another proposed solution may be if the modes of transport are improved for transportation of crops. It can be done either by construction of roads or rail tracks between villages and other areas where the crops are consumed. This will very effectively reduce the price of vegetables as well where local farmers have to pay huge amounts for shipping of their crops. In conclusion, starvation is increasing in the world, despite the modern techniques of agriculture and it can be controlled by special measures taken by government and international level.
Starvation is prevalent amongst the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world, despite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
made in the agriculture industry. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons behind it including poverty and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
transport.

The main reason behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
sleeping hungry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
is poverty.
In other words
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
ensure the growth and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of fresh fruits and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of lower socioeconomic status have no access to it.
As a result
of genetic engineering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crops
may be resistant to climatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and can
be transported
over long distances,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these factors have raised the prices even
further
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
such
highly
nutritious food. Another reason behind this may be due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
transportation system in agriculture based nations. It is
generally
observed that the farms and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crops
are cultivated
in villages away from the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
transportation service
is required
for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
to
be transported
to other regions which is lacking in village areas.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crops
suffer damage during storage and transport and cannot reach the deserving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The problems of hunger amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be solved
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
provides subsidized rates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetable’s
and control the prices at the national level.
In addition
, the utility stores for low income group can
be maintained
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
fruits and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables’
. Another proposed solution may be if the modes of transport are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
for transportation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crops
. It can
be done
either by construction of roads or rail
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
between villages and other areas where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crops
are consumed
. This will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effectively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
as well
where local farmers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay huge amounts for shipping of their crops.

In conclusion
, starvation is increasing in the world, despite the modern techniques of agriculture and it can
be controlled
by special measures taken by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and international level.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The twentieth century was great change. In your opinion, what is one change that should be remembered about the twentieth century? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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