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The trend of online shopping is increasing significantly What effect is this having on the environment and society in general v.2

The trend of online shopping is increasing significantly What effect is this having on the environment and society in general v. 2
Latest invention of technology has changed the way of living for the people in the world. Though the internet has made our life more convenient and meaningful, it has significantly affected the social life in the society. Nowadays, people have become more aware about the things around them than they used to be a few years back. The Internet and it by-product social media has immensely influenced the people. Not only has it given exposure to better their lifestyle, it has made one' s life more convenient. Subsequently, people can now shop products by just clicking on the mobile screen without having to go out in search of it and waste time. However, this modern way of shopping has made people unhealthy and discourage to stay fit. For instance, people move around less for shopping, and live a sedentary lifestyle. As a result there is less body movement and less cardiovascular activity making them lose their fitness and be exposed to illness. Furthermore, it has affected the environment as people do not go out shopping frequently and prefer to order goods online. This change impacted the local market negatively. Moreover, people are more lodged in their handsets and participate less in society events. For example, people stay more connected to friends and family living far away than the person living next door. This has created a huge impact on the society In conclusion, Although, this trend has definitely helped people to improve their lifestyle and made lives more convenient than ever but affected the soical enviroment and society in general.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Latest".
Latest
invention of technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way of living for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world. Though the internet has made our life more convenient and meaningful, it has
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the social life in the society.

Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become more aware about
Consider using "the surrounding things".
the things around them
than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be a few years back. The Internet and
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'it'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
it by-product
social media has
immensely
influenced the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
exposure to better their lifestyle, it has made
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s life more convenient.
Subsequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
shop products by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
clicking on the mobile screen without having to go out in search of it and waste time.

However
, this modern way of shopping has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unhealthy and discourage to stay fit.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
around
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
for shopping, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a sedentary lifestyle.
As a result
there is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
body movement and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
cardiovascular activity making them lose their fitness and
be exposed
to illness.

Furthermore
, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the environment as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not go out shopping
frequently
and prefer to order
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
online. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
impacted the local market
negatively
.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more lodged in their handsets and participate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
in society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay more connected to friends and family living far away than the person living
next
door. This has created a huge impact on the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
society


In conclusion
, Although, this trend has definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their lifestyle and made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more convenient than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
soical
Possible spelling mistake found.
enviroment
and society
in general
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay The trend of online shopping is increasing significantly What effect is this having on the environment and society in general v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
260 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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