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The trend of online shopping is increasing significantly What effect is this having on the environment and society in general v.1

The trend of online shopping is increasing significantly What effect is this having on the environment and society in general v. 1
While there are many ways to control children's behavior, some people choose physical punishments. Some parents believe that hitting their children is the most effective way to manage children's attitudes. This essay will argue why corporal punishment is moderately unacceptable to raise a child. On the one hand, some parents believe, their children will be incredibly spoiled if they have no fear at all. They are wary of giving their children too much freedom in a dangerous society. Besides, the children of this generation have become strongly hard to discipline so parents are left with no options but slapping. For instance, recent studies indicate, over 35% of parents in India prefer aggressive punishments to make a child behave correctly rather than being rude in public. These few examples illustrated fears in parents that their children are their responsibility in the future of society. On the other hand, most of the people believe, not only smacking children will not help them, but also it makes them even more dangerous in the future. Furthermore, people who have seen and experienced more violence, are likely to act as their parents in the community which may lead them to an even far worse critical situation. For instance, countless reports illustrate that people who are more aggressive, are likely to have a chance of being murderers and killers in the future. For these reasons, the idea of spanking children to protect them can be even more threatening to the community. To sum up, this essay argued that although smacking children may stop their rudeness in some cases, this is completely unacceptable. I am inclined to believe that children who experienced more violence will eventually have serious consequences for their society.
While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to control children's behavior,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose physical punishments.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that hitting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is the most effective way to manage children's attitudes. This essay will argue why corporal punishment is
moderately
unacceptable to raise a child.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be
incredibly
spoiled if they have no fear at all. They are wary of giving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
too much freedom in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
society.
Besides
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of this generation have become
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to discipline
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with no options
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
slapping.
For instance
, recent studies indicate, over 35% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in India prefer aggressive punishments to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a child behave
correctly
rather
than being rude in public. These few examples illustrated fears in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are their responsibility in the future of society.

On the other hand
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
smacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them even more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
in the future.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
and experienced more violence, are likely to act as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the community which may lead them to an even far worse critical situation.
For instance
, countless reports illustrate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are more aggressive, are likely to have a chance of being murderers and killers in the future. For these reasons, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of spanking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to protect them can be even more threatening to the community.

To sum up, this essay argued that although smacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
their rudeness in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, this is completely unacceptable. I
am inclined
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who experienced more violence will
eventually
have serious consequences for their society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The trend of online shopping is increasing significantly What effect is this having on the environment and society in general v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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