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The trend of online shopping is increasing significantly What effect does it have on the environment and society in general v.2

The trend of online shopping is increasing significantly What effect does it have on the environment and society in general v. 2
Shopping has become an indispensable part of everyone' s life. Presently, people have materialistic attitudes and therefore the trend of online shopping is gaining prevalence in the entire globe. Here, I would like to account for effects of this happening on the environment and society. There are multifarious negative outcomes of e-shopping on the community. First and foremost, the majority of people have become extravagant on account of online shopping. To demonstrate, nowadays, masses have tendency to visit online shopping websites where they get allured towards astonishing products that are shown in the gorgeous packaging. Besides this, shopping websites influence the buying behaviour of customers by offering heavy discounts, special offers such as buy one, get one free. As a result, people get encouraged towards unnecessary shopping and they are supposed to become spendthrift these days. Further emphasizing on my point of view, buying things in abundance is leading to excessive consumerism which further leads to the problem of rubbish. At present, people buy more and more new things that are packed into the wrappers and plastic boxes. Moreover, old consumer durables are being replaced by the new stuff. Ultimately, such wrappers, plastic material and old goods are thrown into landfill sites that are already flooded with trash. Consequently, rubbish problem has become the serious concern in modern societies. Adding to it, a considerable rise in the rubbish production degrades the quality of environment. To be specific, non biodegradable things do not decay easily at the landfill sites and keep releasing perilous gases in our surroundings. Needless to say, purity and freshness of environment is declining at an alarming rate. To recapitulate, shopping is considered the need of an hour. Taking the negative outcomes of a remarkable rise in the online shopping, it is prime duty of individuals and government to take proactive measures to ' nip this evil in the bud' .
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an indispensable part of
Possible spelling mistake found.
everyone&
#039; s life.
Presently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have materialistic attitudes and
therefore
the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is gaining prevalence in the entire globe. Here, I would like to account for effects of this happening on the environment and society.

There are multifarious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes of e-shopping on the community.
First
and foremost, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
extravagant on account of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. To demonstrate, nowadays, masses have tendency to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
websites where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
allured towards astonishing products that
are shown
in the gorgeous packaging.
Besides
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
websites influence the buying
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of customers by offering heavy discounts, special offers such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
one,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
one free.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
encouraged towards unnecessary
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
shopping and
they
are supposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
spendthrift these days.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
emphasizing on my point of view, buying things in abundance is leading to excessive consumerism which
further
leads to the problem of rubbish. At present,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more and more new things that
are packed
into the wrappers and plastic boxes.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
consumer durables are
being replaced
by the new stuff.
Ultimately
, such wrappers, plastic material and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
are thrown
into landfill sites that are already flooded with trash.
Consequently
, rubbish problem has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
the serious concern in modern societies.

Adding to it, a considerable rise in the rubbish production degrades the quality of environment. To be specific,
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non biodegradable
things do not decay
easily
at the landfill sites and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
releasing perilous gases in our surroundings. Needless to say, purity and freshness of environment is declining at an alarming rate.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is considered
the need of an hour. Taking the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes of a remarkable rise in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, it is prime duty of individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to take proactive measures to ' nip this evil in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
bud&
#039;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The trend of online shopping is increasing significantly What effect does it have on the environment and society in general v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
313 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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