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The tradition that family get together to eat meals is disappearing. What are the reasons? What are the impacts v.2

The tradition that family get together to eat meals is disappearing. What are the reasons? What are the impacts v. 2
Recently, it is a fact that gathered family meals are vanishing in the life of modern citizens and here are some reasons for this tendency and its affects on society. To begin with, families are struggling to share food due to the chaotic lifestyle at job and in personal life as well. There is no denying of the high demands of employers such as staying at work longer and fulfill additional tasks, by sacrificing own time that could be spent for family dinners. Consequently, workers get even more stressed, as they lose a chance to share the meals with the closest ones at home furnishings. Moreover, the absence of a particular family member around the table lead to the deterioration of relationships and sometimes may cause the divorces of young families. In addition, youngsters and young aged adults, occasionally, skip the eatings with family, as they may have meetings with the new acquaintances. Although, it is beneficial for the young people, who have to settle in the commnity with the wide range of friends, the relationships between them and their parents jeopardize in this case. Yet another reason, why the tradition of families getting together to eat meals is perishing is seemingly the traffic jam, which is becoming more common even in the countryside. The delays on the road way back home deprives people from having family time around the table and causes the high levels of stress and isolation, since there is no one left at the end of the day to share the mind with as well. In conclusion, undoubtedly, the custom of people to have gathered meals is becoming less common, due to the certain reasons mentioned above and it affects negatively on families' relationships.
Recently, it is a fact that gathered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
are vanishing in the life of modern citizens and here are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for this tendency and its affects on society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are struggling to share food due to the chaotic lifestyle at job and in personal life
as well
. There is no denying of the high demands of employers such as staying at work longer and fulfill additional tasks, by sacrificing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
time that could
be spent
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
dinners.
Consequently
, workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
even more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, as they lose a chance to share the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
with the closest ones at home furnishings.
Moreover
, the absence of a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member around the table lead to the deterioration of relationships and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
may cause the divorces of young families.

In addition
, youngsters and young aged adults,
occasionally
, skip the
Possible spelling mistake found.
eatings
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, as they may have meetings with the new acquaintances. Although, it is beneficial for the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
settle in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
commnity
with the wide range of friends, the relationships between them and their parents jeopardize
in this case
.
Yet
another reason, why the tradition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
getting together to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
is perishing is
seemingly
the traffic jam, which is becoming more common even in the countryside. The delays on the road way back home deprives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
time around the table and causes the high levels of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and isolation, since there is no one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day to share the mind with
as well
.

In conclusion
,
undoubtedly
, the custom of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have gathered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
is becoming less common, due to the certain reasons mentioned above and it affects
negatively
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
families&
#039; relationships.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay The tradition that family get together to eat meals is disappearing. What are the reasons? What are the impacts v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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