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The tradition that family get together to eat meals is disappearing. What are the reasons? What are the impacts v.1

The tradition that family get together to eat meals is disappearing. What are the reasons? What are the impacts v. 1
Criminals who are released from prison after serving their first sentence, often re-offend. This is mainly due to the lack of rehabilitation and challenges they face when re-entering the society. There is a range of solutions that can be implemented to tackle this problem. The phenomenon of first-time offenders returning to a life of crime after being released can be attributed to a lack of rehabilitation efforts whilst in jail, in other words, there is no retraining and skill enhancement of these individuals. Consequently, they face problems in re-integrating into the society, as they find it hard to find employment, and financial struggles lead them to commit crimes again. Furthermore, there is a lack of focus on imparting the importance of correct moral behaviour in jail, on the contrary, they are able to interact with hardened criminals, which increases their resolve to offend again. The problem of criminals who are released after serving their first jail time can be solved by providing adequate rehabilitation opportunities. They need to be taught job-oriented skills and programs so that they can sustain themselves when they are released back in the society and do not fall prey to the lure of crime again. This will be the most reliable and effective method of breaking the cycle of crime which they can fall into otherwise. Another way this trend of re-offending can be stopped, is by monitoring and regular checking of criminals once released. This will ensure that they are staying away from trouble and will act as a deterrent if they know that they are being monitored and kept an eye on. In conclusion, first-time criminals committing crimes after serving out their prison sentence can be best dealt with a combination of proper rehabilitation and oversight once they are out of prison.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Criminals
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
released
from prison after serving their
first
sentence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
re-offend. This is
mainly
due to the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rehabilitation
and challenges they face when re-entering the society. There is a range of solutions that can
be implemented
to tackle this problem.

The phenomenon of
first
-time offenders returning to a life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
after being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
released
can
be attributed
to a lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rehabilitation
efforts whilst in jail,
in other words
, there is no retraining and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
enhancement of these individuals.
Consequently
, they face problems in re-integrating into the society, as they find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find employment, and financial struggles lead them to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
again.
Furthermore
, there is a lack of focus on imparting the importance of correct moral
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in jail,
on the contrary
, they are able to interact with hardened
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, which increases their resolve to offend again.

The problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
released
after serving their
first
jail time can
be solved
by providing adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rehabilitation
opportunities. They need to
be taught
job-oriented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and programs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can sustain themselves when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
released
back in the society and do not fall prey to the lure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again. This will be the most reliable and effective method of breaking the cycle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
which they can fall into
otherwise
. Another way this trend of re-offending can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
, is by monitoring and regular checking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
released
. This will ensure that they are staying away from trouble and will act as a deterrent if they know that they are
being monitored
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
an eye on.

In conclusion
,
first
-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
after serving out their prison sentence can be best dealt with a combination of proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rehabilitation
and oversight once they are out of prison.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The tradition that family get together to eat meals is disappearing. What are the reasons? What are the impacts v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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