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The bar chart provides information about the income of export in one country in many categories between 2015 and 2016 and the table compares the difference in the percentage of 5 categories in 2016 with 2015. v.1

The bar chart provides information about the income of export in one country in many categories between 2015 and 2016 and the table compares the difference in the percentage of 5 categories in 2016 with 2015. v. 1
Whether or not parents should give their children a chance to study abroad has been a matter of debate since the beginning of the twenty-first century. While there are some benefits of pursuing educational opportunity oversea, I argue that it still takes on a number of challenges for students. In the first place, it is the best way for international students to expand their knowledge and experience abroad. If you study abroad in a country where they do not speak your native language, you will have the best opportunity to learn theirs. For example, Asian students might be surprised to find that communication in Western countries impact their accent and fluency by communicating and interacting with native speaker daily. Being in a foreign country and seeing how others approach culture makes you challenge your way of life. During oversea trips, you force to be independent and not rely on your family members for supporting. Moreover, it makes you see things from another point of view, which turns you into a more open-minded person. You will realise that you can do much more for yourself than you previously thought. In the second place, it also has its drawbacks when you choose to study in a foreign country. Many students study far away from home can be homesick or even feel lonely and helpless. There are a lot of problems in a new nation make their pressure, the tuition fees and living costs are quite high for international students which affects their learning process as a sad truth. Experiencing culture shock and do not have the social network yet also make you feel difficult at the beginning. In conclusion, although pupils study abroad has a great number of disadvantages, I strongly believe it is a better way to become independent individuals and learn how to cope with the stress of living overseas.
Consider shortening this phrase to just "Whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Whether or not
parents should give their children a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
has been a matter of debate since the beginning of the twenty-
first
century. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of pursuing educational opportunity oversea, I argue that it
still
takes on a number of challenges for students.

In the
first
place, it is the best way for international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to expand their knowledge and experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
. If you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where they do not speak your native language, you will have the best opportunity to learn theirs.
For example
, Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might
be surprised
to find that communication in Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
impact their accent and fluency by communicating and interacting with native speaker daily. Being in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and seeing how others approach culture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
you challenge your way of life. During oversea trips, you force to be independent and not rely on your family members for supporting.
Moreover
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
things from another point of view, which turns you into a more open-minded person. You will
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that you can do much more for yourself than you previously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.

In the second place, it
also
has its drawbacks when you choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
far away from home can be homesick or even feel lonely and helpless. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
problems in a new nation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their pressure, the tuition fees and living costs are quite high for international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
which affects their learning process as a sad truth. Experiencing culture shock and do not have the social network
yet
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
you feel difficult at the beginning.

In conclusion
, although pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
has a great number of disadvantages, I
strongly
believe it is a better way to become independent individuals and learn how to cope with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of living overseas.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The bar chart provides information about the income of export in one country in many categories between 2015 and 2016 and the table compares the difference in the percentage of 5 categories in 2016 with 2015. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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