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Some people think that some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy are too difficult for children to learn at school They think that these subjects should be made optional rather than compulsory To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Some people think that some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy are too difficult for children to learn at school They think that these subjects should be made optional rather than compulsory v. 1
The environment has become a major concern over the past couple decades, resulting in several debates on who should be responsible for controlling it and this might be converted into terrible condition. People are thinking differently about it as per their understanding. This essay will highlight different views and necessary action should be taken to control it. Obviously, Every person of any nation will be responsible to control the environment while some people believe that environmental problem can't be solved by individuals as they mentioned that materials have encompassed several areas where their efforts are futile. For example, factories that are emitting hazardous gases in our air or dumping the dangerous material in the river so in that case it is not a fault of the inhabitant present in that area, but despite of that owner is keen towards for their profitability. Moreover, the governments have passed certain laws for maintaining the environment, even though people don't follow it under the norms which become unbalanced condition. Is anyone trying to take positive steps in this? The answer is yes. On the other hand, various non government organisations have been conducting awareness program, wherein they teach them various codes of conduct scheme and take strict action if someone move their steps against any environmental related issues. However, we need to increase our interest on this issue which will become more harmful in the future. As a result, people have started to maintain it for their better future. Although, we are not late on it, but will do it if everyone wants some changes. In conclusion, it is a job of every individual person of any nation to save their country and do the work according to structured policy. According to me, both government and people's responsible for degradation of it, but only they will have potential to back with fruitful results.
The environment has become a major concern over the past couple decades, resulting in several debates on who should be responsible for controlling it and this might
be converted
into terrible condition.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are thinking
differently
about it as per their understanding. This essay will highlight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views and necessary action should
be taken
to control it.

Obviously
, Every person of any nation will be responsible to control the environment while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that environmental problem can't
be solved
by individuals as they mentioned that materials have encompassed several areas where their efforts are futile.
For example
, factories that are emitting hazardous gases in our air or dumping the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
material in the river
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in that case
it is not a fault of the inhabitant present in that area,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
that owner is keen towards for their profitability.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have passed certain laws for maintaining the environment,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't follow it under the norms which become unbalanced condition. Is anyone trying to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
steps in this? The answer is yes.

On the other hand
, various non
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
have been conducting awareness program, wherein they teach them various codes of conduct scheme and take strict action if someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "moves", "moved".
move
their steps against any environmental related issues.
However
, we need to increase our interest on this issue which will become more harmful in the future.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to maintain it for their better future. Although, we are not late on it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will do it if everyone wants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.

In conclusion
, it is a job of every individual person of any nation to save their country and do the work according to structured policy.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's responsible for degradation of it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they will have potential to back with fruitful results.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy are too difficult for children to learn at school They think that these subjects should be made optional rather than compulsory v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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