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The television is good for you. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of watching television. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

The television is good for you. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of watching television. v. 1
More and more pensioners are relocating themselves within their country or abroad. In my opinion, this is mainly because the cost of living is much more affordable in many other areas of the world, and this helps them to enjoy their lives in better quality. Moreover, moving to another place, they can feel they are living a second life, and this might give them new hopes and desires. Firstly, most older people have to live on a surprisingly small budget compared to their incomes before their retirement. Therefore, moving from a developed country to a developing country, or from a metropolis to the countryside, can help them to reduce their expenses. While this is certainly a big decision, it also provides them with better control over their own lives. If they wish so, they have the opportunity to eat at restaurants every day as it is much cheaper at their new location. They can also visit museums or go on excursions more often than before because their budget allows them to. For example, a recent article in The Sun stated that the cost of living in Darwin is 30 per cent lower compared to big cities, such as Sydney or Melbourne. Secondly, retired people often suffer from anxiety and depression as they feel they do not have other goals in life but are only waiting patiently for their death. In this case, a relocation definitely helps them to give a new meaning to their existence with new duties to fulfill, such as finding a new house and organising every little detail in their new home. For instance, a recent study shows that people over 60 can cope with depression much more successfully if they are able to create new goals in their life, such as finding a new hobby or moving to a different area. To conclude, the idea of living in a new place after retirement is getting more popular as it can be cost-effective and adventurous, at the same time, and this might result in better life quality and a more fulfilling, meaningful life.
More and more pensioners are relocating themselves within their country or abroad. In my opinion, this is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
is much more affordable in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other areas of the world, and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to enjoy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in better quality.
Moreover
, moving to another place, they can feel they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and this might give them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
hopes and desires.

Firstly
,
Use only "older" (without 'most') when you use the comparative.
most older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on a
surprisingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
budget compared to their incomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their retirement.
Therefore
, moving from a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
, or from a metropolis to the countryside, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their expenses. While this is
certainly
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
decision, it
also
provides them with better control over their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. If they wish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they have the opportunity to eat at restaurants every day as it is much cheaper at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
location. They can
also
visit museums or go on excursions more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their budget
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to.
For example
, a recent article in The Sun stated that the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in Darwin is 30 per cent lower compared to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities, such as Sydney or Melbourne.

Secondly
, retired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
suffer from anxiety and depression as they feel they do not have other goals in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
waiting
patiently
for their death.
In this case
, a relocation definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to give a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
meaning to their existence with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
duties to fulfill, such as finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
detail in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
home.
For instance
, a recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
over 60 can cope with depression much more
successfully
if they are able to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
goals in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, such as finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
hobby or moving to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
area.

To conclude
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
place after retirement is getting more popular as it can
be cost
-effective and adventurous, at the same time, and this might result in better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
quality and a more fulfilling, meaningful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay The television is good for you. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of watching television. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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