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Is it more important for students to attend class regularly or to study by themselves? Include reasons and details in your explanation. v.1

Is it more important for students to attend class regularly or to study by themselves? Include reasons and details in your explanation. v. 1
Enjoying art is one of the best mental therapy that anyone can take as it helps to circulate our blood in a positive way. But recent decades have witnessed there is a significant decline of engaging with art. Even with the countries which are famous for painting such as Paris, London, Prague, Germany has reported that there is less amount of tourists are visiting their galleries than earlier. From my point of view, the time and money are the main obstacles for everyone because people are running here and there to survive the day. To begin with, there are many talented artists around the world where they cannot showcase their drawings to the audience as they need to pay high amount of money to the gallery owners. Due to this reason, the quality, exquisite and splendid illustrations which people like to see will not exhibit in any of the galleries. Apart from that, the current mindset of the people can be another reason for having massive decline of visiting galleries. However, as a solution to mitigate this situation, the respective government of the country can provide funds to the authorities to start initiatives to develop artistic attractions of the people. Such as exhibitions with different age groups around the world, competitions, etc. In conclusion, each and every one of this world like to spare a little bit of time for the entertainment from our busy schedule. Mainly for an art. But the problem is money and the time. If people can forget these two major issues for a second and also if the government can fulfil the necessary requirements which needs to enjoy the portraits, there will be a massive increase of visiting art galleries.
Enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is one of the best mental therapy that anyone can take as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to circulate our blood in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
recent decades have witnessed there is a significant decline of engaging with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. Even with the countries which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for painting such as Paris, London, Prague, Germany has reported that there is less amount of tourists are visiting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
than earlier. From my point of view, the time and money are the main obstacles for everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are running here and there to survive the day.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
talented artists around the world where they cannot showcase their drawings to the audience as they need to pay high amount of money to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
owners. Due to this reason, the quality, exquisite and splendid illustrations which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
will not exhibit in any of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
. Apart from that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
mindset of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be another reason for having massive decline of visiting galleries.

However
, as a solution to mitigate this situation, the respective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of the country can provide funds to the authorities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
initiatives to develop artistic attractions of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Such as exhibitions with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups around the world, competitions, etc.

In conclusion
,
Consider using "each one".
each and every one
of this world like to spare a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
of time for the entertainment from our busy schedule.
Mainly
for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the problem is money and the time. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can forget these two major issues for a second and
also
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can fulfil the necessary requirements which needs to enjoy the portraits, there will be a massive increase of visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Is it more important for students to attend class regularly or to study by themselves? Include reasons and details in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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