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How might the changing climate affect our indoor and outdoor living space Causes and solutions of these problems v.1

How might the changing climate affect our indoor and outdoor living space Causes and solutions of these problems v. 1
These days, the increasing industries, traffic congestions and the waste created by humans are causing serious threats to the health of humankind, due to which people are in search of the measures to improve their health. One of the ways to improve the health is physical fitness by increasing sporting facilities. However, this is not only the way to improve health, there are other measures like yoga and meditation which should also be taken into account. Firstly, one of the primary reason for decline in the health is pollution, with the close proximity of industries to living spaces, many humans inhale all the bad gases released from the companies. For example, living close to the nuclear power plant may cause issues related to radiation. Additionally, in many developing nations due to no strict laws on smoking, people often smoke in public places which can cause heart related issues to the people who inhale it. Moreover, traffic congestion and smoke released by the vehicles can also result in the damage of health. For instance, in China as a consequence of the mix of fog and harmful gases released by vehicles many people have suffered breathing issues. Hence, the governments should bring some solutions like banning vehicles which produce more gas and shifting industries to the locations where there is no human or animal population. Secondly, yoga and meditation can also help people to live without any mental stress. It is proved that a thirty minute yoga session can improve blood flow to the brain and helps in fighting with external organisms that enter the body. Furthermore, it is important for mankind to have regular medical checkups, which can help them know the medical problems well before. Finally, sporting activities should be included in daily routines, which can help people stay fit. Adults who work for long working hours, often need physical fitness, hence many knocks the gym doors doors and sporting academies for relaxation. To sum up, although sporting facilities help the mankind to stay fit, but the impact is very minimum. Mankind should understand the side-effects of pollution, congestion on their health. In my opinion, I think that regular fitness activities along with proper medical check up and reduced pollution in the human surroundings can help mankind stay healthy.
These days, the increasing industries, traffic congestions and the waste created by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
are causing serious threats to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of humankind, due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in search of the measures to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. One of the ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is physical fitness by increasing sporting facilities.
However
, this is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, there are other measures like yoga and meditation which should
also
be taken
into account.

Firstly
, one of the primary reason for decline in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is pollution, with the
Consider using "proximity".
close proximity
of industries to living spaces,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
inhale all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
gases released from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
For example
, living close to the nuclear power plant may cause issues related to radiation.
Additionally
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developing nations due to no strict laws on smoking,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
smoke in public places which can cause heart related issues to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who inhale it.
Moreover
, traffic congestion and smoke released by the vehicles can
also
result in the
The usual collocation for word "damage" is "to" not "of." Revise: "damage to".
damage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For instance
, in China as a consequence of the mix of fog and harmful gases released by vehicles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have suffered breathing issues.
Hence
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions like banning vehicles which produce more gas and shifting industries to the locations where there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
or animal population.

Secondly
, yoga and meditation can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without any mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. It
is proved
that a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "thirty-minute"
thirty minute
yoga session can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
blood flow to the brain and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in fighting with external organisms that enter the body.
Furthermore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mankind
to have regular medical checkups, which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them know the medical problems well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Finally
, sporting activities should
be included
in daily routines, which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay fit. Adults who work for long working hours,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
need physical fitness,
hence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
knocks the gym
Possible typo: you repeated a word
doors doors
and sporting academies for relaxation.

To sum up, although sporting facilities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mankind
to stay fit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the impact is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
minimum.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mankind
should understand the
Did you mean "side effects" (=adverse effect, unintended consequence)? Open compounds are not hyphenated.
side-effects
of pollution, congestion on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that regular fitness activities along with proper medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
up and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
pollution in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
surroundings can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mankind
stay healthy.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay How might the changing climate affect our indoor and outdoor living space Causes and solutions of these problems v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
379 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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