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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? One of the best ways to learn is by making mistakes. Use specific examples and details to support your opinion. v.73

One of the best ways to learn is by making mistakes. Use specific examples and details to support your opinion. v. 73
In this day and age, advertisements are a norm. We are constantly being bombarded with slogans on billboards, hawkers on the roads and the media marketing products. While some deem that this has an almost negligible influence on people, there are others who contend advertisements strongly impact their choices. To begin with, promotions are a way to boost the appearance or promotion of products, and marketers can go to any extend to display their goods. However, these are so frequent that it has lead to an understanding in people's minds - marketing is meant to display products, but does not focus on its reality. To exemplify, based on a variety of surveys conducted worldwide, people are becoming smarter and can easily distinguish between fake and actual merchandise. There has been a decline in the number of people purchasing expensive commodities, irrespective of the brand name. Apparently, these are only redundant methods that have no actual effect on some people. Despite this, children and some adults alike, get misguided by day-to-day commercials. Many of these showcases highly objectionable or harmful products; often promoted by well-known celebrities. To illustrate, recent advertisements depict famous personalities, eating junk food, pretending it to be healthy. Clearly, this creates a delusive image in children's minds about junk being fashionable. In the same way, advertising products that are otherwise banned can wrongly persuade young adults. Thus, publicity is influencing people and their opinions. In summary, though some argue that advertisements do not affect decisions; it can be truly delusive on children as well as adults.
In this day and age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are a norm. We are
constantly
being bombarded
with slogans on billboards, hawkers on the roads and the media marketing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
deem that this has an almost negligible influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, there are others who contend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
strongly
impact their choices.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, promotions are a way to boost the appearance or promotion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, and marketers can go to any extend to display their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
However
, these are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
frequent that it has lead to an understanding in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's minds
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
marketing
is meant
to display
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
does not focus on its reality. To exemplify, based on a variety of surveys conducted worldwide,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming smarter and can
easily
distinguish between fake and actual merchandise. There has been a decline in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
purchasing expensive commodities, irrespective of the brand name.
Apparently
, these are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
redundant methods that have no actual effect on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Despite this, children and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adults alike,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
misguided by day-to-day commercials.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of these showcases
highly
objectionable or harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
promoted by well-known celebrities. To illustrate, recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
depict
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities, eating junk food, pretending it to be healthy.
Clearly
, this creates a delusive image in children's minds about junk being fashionable.
In the same way
, advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that are
otherwise
banned can
wrongly
persuade young adults.
Thus
, publicity is influencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their opinions.

In summary, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
do not affect decisions; it can be
truly
delusive on children
as well
as adults.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay One of the best ways to learn is by making mistakes. Use specific examples and details to support your opinion. v. 73

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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