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The tables below show the forecasted and actual sales of a bicycle shop over four months. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The tables below show the forecasted and actual sales of a bicycle shop over four months.
There is an argument about the duties of the government and the role of private institutions, there are two points of view regarding this issue. The first one says that, the responsibility of the government is to support the basic needs of the society. On the other hand, the social charities are accountable for the other services that served to the community. In my opinion, such duties cannot be split and there must be a cooperation between them to develop a nation. Firstly, infrastructure of countries should be built by the authorized institutions which already have experts in different fields, resources, and also the map of the city which must not be available with anybody else. Thus, this combination must be utilized in a proper way to be beneficial to the whole country. For example, electricity supplies to public roads and houses must be done by the people who have the know how, because if any mistake happens, other people may die or the electricity may cut off, hence, that will need a lot of money to be repaired. On the contrast, the services that related to the society like health and education can be managed by private groups, because there are no special requirements to build a hospital or a school just following the rules of how to build will be enough. For instance, a group of businessmen decides to build a private school to support a particular suburb, they just need a construction company which has an experience in building schools and the politics will not play any role but the permission. To summarize, the government has an important role to build the infrastructure which is the major thing in the community, consequently, the social services can be served by private corporations, so cooperation between both of them is the key of any development.
There is an argument about the duties of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
institutions, there are two points of view regarding this issue. The
first
one says that, the responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is to support the basic needs of the society.
On the other hand
, the social charities are accountable for the other services that served to the community. In my opinion, such duties cannot
be split
and there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a cooperation between them to develop a nation.

Firstly
, infrastructure of countries should
be built
by the authorized institutions which already have experts in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields, resources, and
also
the map of the city which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be available with anybody else.
Thus
, this combination
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be utilized
Consider replacing "in a proper way" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper way
to be beneficial to the whole country.
For example
, electricity supplies to public roads and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be done
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have the know how,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if any mistake happens, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
or the electricity may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
off,
hence
, that will need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to
be repaired
.

On the contrast, the services that related to the society like health and education can
be managed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
groups,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are no special requirements to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
a hospital or a school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
following the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.
For instance
, a group of businessmen decides to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
school to support a particular suburb, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need a construction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which has an experience in building schools and the politics will not play any role
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the permission.

To summarize
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
the infrastructure which is the major thing in the community,
consequently
, the social services can
be served
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
corporations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
cooperation between both of them is the key of any development.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The tables below show the forecasted and actual sales of a bicycle shop over four months.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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