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In the modern society, schools are no longer necessary as we could have so much information throughout the internet that children could study at home as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

In the modern society, schools are no longer necessary as we could have so much information throughout the internet that children could study at home as well. v. 1
It is a bitter truth that health is important for every nation, but not acceptable that public health is only the responsibility of the governments. People have different opinion on this concern. This essay will highlight the views of the people and seriousness for it. Due to the increasing in the population number, health is a big concern and our government is increasing the budget every year for the healthcare, but our healthy index going down largely. For example, Local authorities have organised the camp and doctors have diagnosed properly and provide the medicine accordingly, while patients are not taking it on time as per their guidance then surely it will badly affect the body and become more serious. In such cases, the Administration has done their duty and we can't blame them and it is our fault that we have not accepted it broadly. Is blaming on anyone for solving the issue? The answer is absolutely wrong. Although, government has been assigned two-third part of their budget for this department. On the other hand, People have their opinion that everyone have their understanding of rudimentary things for physical fitness and they will try to do some regular exercise as well as yoga and various other activities which will help them to make fit. Moreover, taking the nutritions like ample fruits or vegetables which make their bones strong and improve their potential for work. In conclusion, This is everyone's responsibility not only for the government, but also for the humans. People should plan their day and reserve at least a few hours for their body because this will give them more motivation in the future. According to me, local bodies steps are not giving fruitful result if we don't do the awareness for the campaign and alert them with the harmful results.
It is a bitter truth that health is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for every nation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not acceptable that public health is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinion on this concern. This essay will highlight the views of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and seriousness for it.

Due to the increasing in the population number, health is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
concern and our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is increasing the budget every year for the healthcare,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
our healthy index going down
largely
.
For example
, Local authorities have
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
the camp and doctors have diagnosed
properly
and provide the medicine
accordingly
, while patients are not taking it on time as per their guidance then
surely
it will
badly
affect the body and become more serious. In such cases, the Administration has done their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
duty and
we can't blame them and it is our fault that we have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
it
broadly
. Is blaming on anyone for solving the issue? The answer is
absolutely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.

Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has
been assigned
two-third part of their budget for this department.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have their opinion that everyone have their understanding of rudimentary things for physical
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fitness and
they will try to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regular exercise
as well
as yoga and various other activities which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fit.
Moreover
, taking the
Possible spelling mistake found.
nutritions
like ample fruits or vegetables which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their bones strong and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their potential for work.

In conclusion
, This is everyone's responsibility not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the humans.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should plan their day and reserve at least a few hours for their body
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will give them more motivation in the future.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, local bodies steps are not giving fruitful result if we don't do the awareness for the campaign and alert them with the harmful results.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In the modern society, schools are no longer necessary as we could have so much information throughout the internet that children could study at home as well. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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