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Some people believe that the government should not spend money on international aid when they have their own disadvantaged people like homeless and unemployed. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people believe that the government should not spend money on international aid when they have their own disadvantaged people like homeless and unemployed. v. 3
Physical issues have become increasingly a major crux among most demographics of this century. Many people believe that it is the obligation of doctor's and they should teach their patient about health consequences. This essay will discuss why it is crucial to the individual's healthy lives to being aware of their own fitness. People are mostly trustworthy of getting medico advices. First and foremost, they are unlikely to be in danger with any of their physical illnesses. And also, in many embryonic countries individual's are more likely uneducated and mystified about actual physics. For example, a recent survey shows that 50% of the citizens in Bangladesh clutching onto a medical advisor for their physical improvement. In addition, physicians welfare can emphasize the fundamental requirements and effective ways for the individual's well being. These few instances can bolster the existing concept that only doctors can't be able to make sure the patients physical enhancement. However, individuals should have to be mindful and compassionate towards their own energy. First of all, if anyone wants to live a healthy life he or she must have to prevent them from including bad habits such as eating fast food. Moreover, they must have to be informed about the outcomes of their activities. For instance, most of the masses in Japan do not face any major health issues in their lives, because there are taught health related lessons in their schools. Furthermore, the government can, also, proceed some necessary steps by highlighting the catalyst of healthier lives. In conclusion, this essay discussed alone physicians can't amend the individual's mindset for their own well being. To infer I am convinced that fitness is closely intertwined with enlightening system and people’s lifestyle.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
issues have become
increasingly
a major crux among most demographics of this century.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is the obligation of doctor'
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
s and
they should teach their patient about health consequences. This essay will discuss why it is crucial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual's
healthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to being aware of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
fitness.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are
mostly
trustworthy of getting medico advices.
First
and foremost, they are unlikely to be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
with any of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
illnesses. And
also
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
embryonic countries
Did you mean the plural instead of the possessive?
individual's
are more likely uneducated and mystified about actual physics.
For example
, a recent survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 50% of the citizens in Bangladesh clutching onto a medical advisor for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
improvement.
In addition
, physicians welfare can emphasize the fundamental requirements and effective ways for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual's
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
. These few instances can bolster the existing concept that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
doctors can't be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure the patients
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
enhancement.

However
, individuals should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be mindful and compassionate towards their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
energy.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if anyone wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy life he or she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from including
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits such as eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be informed
about the outcomes of their activities.
For instance
, most of the masses in Japan do not face any major health issues in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there
are taught
health related lessons in their schools.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can,
also
, proceed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
necessary steps by highlighting the catalyst of healthier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In conclusion
, this essay discussed alone physicians can't amend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual's
mindset for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
. To infer I
am convinced
that fitness is
closely
intertwined with enlightening system and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s lifestyle.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the government should not spend money on international aid when they have their own disadvantaged people like homeless and unemployed. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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