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The table shows the number of foreign visitor to 7 countries. Summarize the information by selecting the reporting and make comparison where relevant. v.1

The table shows the number of foreign visitor to 7 countries.
It shows that an increasing number of people are willing to buy those products with famous designer labels. In this essay, I will discuss some possible reasons for this phenomenon, and personally, this trend could lead to the negative consequences Firstly, the rise in the consumption of branded products can be seen as the result of the celebrity effect. It is obvious that these products are manufactured by large companies, who will hire the pop stars to speak for their products so that these companies can gain more interests. As fans of these stars, in order to follow the pace of their idols, they will actively buy these products. Secondly, it is believed that branded products in common, are with high quality and long service life, especially those tech products. In addition, people have a desire to fit in, whether at school, work or in social circles. For this reason, people sometimes buy brands because they believe the brands will contribute to greater social acceptance. This is especially true in fashion. However, this consuming pattern has caused negative impacts. On an individual level, people who choose branded goods have to spend more money on their living costs than those purchasing common goods. This is because almost all branded products come with high prices. Besides, from an economic perspective, this trend has caused a decline in the sales of other generic brands. Therefore, those who live on these jobs may go unemployed, which endangers the social economy and stability. In conclusion, people have the right to decide whether to buy branded products or not. Indeed, it’s a personal choice. However, since the adverse effects, this trend should be prevented.
It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
designer labels. In this essay, I will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible reasons for this phenomenon, and
personally
, this trend could lead to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
consequences


Firstly
, the rise in the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as the result of the celebrity effect. It is obvious that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are manufactured
by large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, who will hire the pop stars to speak for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can gain more interests. As fans of these stars, in order to follow the pace of their idols, they will
actively
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Secondly
, it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in common, are with high quality and long service life,
especially
those tech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a desire to fit in, whether at school, work or in social circles.
For this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
brands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe the brands will contribute to greater social acceptance. This is
especially
true in fashion.

However
, this consuming pattern has caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts. On an individual level,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend more money on their living costs than those purchasing common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with high prices.
Besides
, from an economic perspective, this trend has caused a decline in the sales of other generic brands.
Therefore
, those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on these jobs may go unemployed, which endangers the social economy and stability.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the right to decide whether to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
or not.
Indeed
, it’s a personal choice.
However
, since the adverse effects, this trend should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay The table shows the number of foreign visitor to 7 countries.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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