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A foreign visitor has to spend only one day in your country. Where should that visitor go on that day? Why? Use specific reason and details to support your choice. v.1

A foreign visitor has to spend only one day in your country. Where should that visitor go on that day? Why? Use specific reason and details to support your choice. v. 1
Some individuals believe that studying in a group is the most effective method for learners, however, others argue that it is of paramount importance to study individually. While both views have strong justification, I believe that these two approaches to studying can be successfully combined. On the one hand, there are two irrefutable arguments for studying in a group. Firstly, the school and university curricula these days cover a lot of ground. It might be difficult to have a good grasp of the material, since class time is limited. Getting together with some fellow classmates at the end of a lesson or a day is a desirable opportunity to discuss some of the information and difficulties. Secondly, projects in class as a group encourages learners to be team players, and this is a good preparation for the challenges of adult life and work. If the students are ill-prepared in cooperation skills, it might pose a challenge for them to get well-paid jobs in the future. Simultaneously, studying alone is sometimes essential. It is recommended that students spend time researching themselves if they want their knowledge retained in a long term. With regard to reading texts or researching materials, this can only be carried out individually through sifting information. Students learn to assimilate knowledge and marshal facts by critically questioning those texts to achieve a deeper understanding. Then, from a wider perspective, learners can bring their understanding to a study group for discussion with fellow students. To sum up, both studying in a group and learning individually are two good approaches to knowledge and I hold that the combination of these two methods is preferable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
is the most effective method for learners,
however
, others argue that it is of paramount importance to study
individually
. While both views have strong justification, I believe that these two approaches to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
can be
successfully
combined.

On the one hand, there are two irrefutable arguments for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.
Firstly
, the school and university curricula these days cover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
ground. It might be difficult to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grasp of the material, since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
time
is limited
. Getting together with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Consider using "classmates".
fellow classmates
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of a lesson or a day is a desirable opportunity to discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
information and difficulties.
Secondly
, projects in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
encourages learners to be team players, and this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
preparation for the challenges of adult life and work. If the students are ill-prepared in cooperation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, it might pose a challenge for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
well-paid jobs in the future.

Simultaneously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
alone is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
essential. It
is recommended
that students spend time researching themselves if they want their knowledge retained in a long term. With regard to reading texts or researching materials, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be carried
out
individually
through sifting information. Students learn to assimilate knowledge and marshal facts by
critically
questioning those texts to achieve a deeper understanding. Then, from a wider perspective, learners can bring their understanding to a study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
for discussion with fellow students.

To sum up, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and learning
individually
are two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
approaches to knowledge and I hold that the combination of these two methods is preferable.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay A foreign visitor has to spend only one day in your country. Where should that visitor go on that day? Why? Use specific reason and details to support your choice. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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