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A foreign visitor has only one day to spend in your country. Where should this visitor go on that day? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice v.1

A foreign visitor has only one day to spend in your country. Where should this visitor go on that day? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice v. 1
In today's era, all nations are separated by boundaries. While some argue that the boundaries between nations will perpetually prevail, there are other people who contend that this will discontinue in the period ahead. These opposing views will be discussed in this composition; further, presenting my perspective of endless-thriving-confined territories. To begin with, removing boundaries between countries allows for co-dependency and better interaction. Clearly, with several advancements people are seeking ways to improve; often depending on other countries for work opportunities and economic assistance. This is creating better international ties; leading to an agreement to get merged. To exemplify, many individual or member states have merged in recent times as one powerful nation, making them take joint decisions and assisting their economy due to the joint wealth. In fact, the frontiers can be eliminated to help provinces work together as one successful nation. In contrast, provinces will be bounded by frontiers as it maintains the security of regions and its residents. To illustrate, several neighbouring nations, such as India, China or Pakistan, have a tendency for war against each other, and continue to have unhealthy relationships. Above all, creates insecurity amongst the citizens; often leading to uncontrollable conditions, such as a war outbreaks. Therefore, without bounds situations can be catastrophic for counties and nationals. Additionally, avoiding separations between countries who are in unpleasant terms can interrupt the privacy of citizens in opposite regions. For instance, without boundaries people can effortlessly enter into neighbouring areas which can lead to unwanted situations and difficult-to-maintain provinces. Hence, relations can remain cordial with separated regions. In conclusion, although it is believed by many that bounds between nations will not exist in the short-term future; however, in my personal view, these will be remain permanently owing to security and privacy of territories.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's era, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are separated
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boundaries
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boundaries
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
will
perpetually
prevail, there are other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who contend that this will discontinue in the period ahead. These opposing views will
be discussed
in this composition;
further
, presenting my perspective of endless-thriving-confined territories.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, removing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boundaries
between countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
for co-dependency and better interaction.
Clearly
, with several advancements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are seeking ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
depending on other countries for work opportunities and economic assistance. This is creating better international ties; leading to an agreement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
merged. To exemplify,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individual or member states have merged in recent times as one powerful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
, making them take joint decisions and assisting their economy due to the joint wealth. In fact, the frontiers can
be eliminated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
provinces work together as one successful nation.

In contrast
, provinces will
be bounded
by frontiers as it maintains the security of regions and its residents. To illustrate, several
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, such as India, China or Pakistan, have a tendency for war against each other, and continue to have unhealthy relationships.
Above all
, creates insecurity amongst the citizens;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leading to uncontrollable conditions, such as a war
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "outbreak"?
outbreaks
.
Therefore
, without bounds situations can be catastrophic for counties and nationals.

Additionally
, avoiding separations between countries who are in unpleasant terms can interrupt the privacy of citizens in opposite regions.
For instance
, without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boundaries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
effortlessly
enter into
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
areas which can lead to unwanted situations and difficult-to-maintain provinces.
Hence
, relations can remain cordial with separated regions.

In conclusion
, although it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that bounds between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
will not exist in the short-term future;
however
, in my personal view, these will be
Consider using the past participle "remained"?
remain
permanently
owing to security and privacy of territories.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay A foreign visitor has only one day to spend in your country. Where should this visitor go on that day? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
297 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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