Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

A foreign visitor has only one day to spend in your country. Where should this visitor go on that day? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice. v.2

A foreign visitor has only one day to spend in your country. Where should this visitor go on that day? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice. v. 2
Travelling is a good way to find out more about different countries with different traditions and customs. Some travellers prefer to spend in one country just a few days or one day and then leave for another country. This way of travelling allows people to visit more countries in fewer days. Unfortunately, in this case, such travellers have to hurry in order to visit more places. I am from Saint-Petersburg, Russia. So, if a foreign visitor has only one day to spend in my country I think I would advise him to visit the "Hermitage" - the most well-known and amazing museum in Russia. The "Hermitage" has 3 floors and more than 100 halls. It is really amazing to visit that place. Many people from all over the world every day enter its walls. Some of the rooms devoted to the history of other countries. Others devoted to the art of a famous painter and the history of his life. However, most of the halls conclude many things such as paintings, royal belongings, sculptures from Russian history. Some people say that it is impossible to feel deeply and see all these amazing historical values for one visit. I have to completely agree with this statement. When I first visited the "Hermitage" I was 14 years old. It impressed me so much that I was back next day to see what I had not been able to see the day before. The "Hermitage" is an impressive and beautiful museum. I think it is worth to spend there a whole day and I believe that after that a foreign visitor can claim with a proud that he or she saw Russia.
Travelling is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to find out more about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
traditions and customs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
prefer to spend in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few days or one day and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
for another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This way of travelling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in fewer days. Unfortunately,
in this case
, such
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
hurry in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
more places.

I am from Saint-Petersburg, Russia.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if a foreign visitor has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one day to spend in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
I would advise him to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Hermitage
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
the most well-known and amazing museum in Russia. The
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Hermitage
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
has 3 floors and more than 100 halls. It is
really
amazing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
that place.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from all over the world every day enter its walls.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
rooms devoted to the history of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Others devoted to the art of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
painter and the history of his life.
However
, most of the halls conclude
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things such as paintings, royal belongings, sculptures from Russian history.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that it is impossible to feel
deeply
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
all these amazing historical values for one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
I
first
visited the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Hermitage
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
I was 14 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. It impressed me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much that I was back
next
day to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
what I had not been able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

The
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Hermitage
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
is an impressive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
museum. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is worth to spend there a whole day and I believe that after that a foreign visitor can claim with a proud that he or she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
Russia.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay A foreign visitor has only one day to spend in your country. Where should this visitor go on that day? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts